Law student cross-examines classmates about who left paper towel-wrapped ‘poop’ on toilet floor

“Were you raised by wolves?”

poop

A US law student has sent a hilarious email to his fellow classmates, demanding further information regarding a paper towel-wrapped ‘poop’, which was discarded on a bathroom floor.

Using a system called Listserv — which is basically an electronic mailing list — the wannabe lawyer fired off an inquisitive email to his colleagues, keen to find out how, and why, someone opted to conceal their poo in a paper towel, and not use the toilet provided.

The anonymous student, who studies at the University of Michigan Law School, kicks things off by confirming that he (or she) did indeed discover a poo on the toilet floor:

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Quickly entering cross-examination mode, the young legal eagle — eager to know more — fires off a series of questions, in the hope the pooing perpetrator will respond.

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Continuing to speculate, the law student asks whether they purchased a pair of “tongs” to remove the poo from the toilet, or simply grabbed a set from the kitchen.

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First spotted by our friends at Above The Law, the email — which is entitled “How did the LoCo Personal Room Poop Perpetrator do it?” — then turns slightly philosophical, with the law student asking “what kind of world are we living in?”

But perhaps there’s a legitimate reason for all this madness. Continuing, the author suggests that his academic pooping-peer may have been “raised by wolves”, or is even “an actual wolf”.

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Reaching the conclusion of his email, the student — appearing to accept that they will never receive a response — compares the case of the paper towel wrapped poo to “Sherlock’s apparent death in Season 3, episode 1 of TV series Sherlock.”

This isn’t the first time a poo-related incident has made Legal Cheek headlines.

Last year, tax lawyer Marianna Christou sent Twitter into meltdown after revealing that someone had defecated on the floor of Westminster Magistrates Court.

Revealing that the poo had been left outside Courtroom 7, it’s still not clear to this day whether it was a defendant or — God forbid — a lawyer.

You can read the email in full below:

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16 Comments

Anonymous

Cross examination is of course “You were raised by wolves, weren’t you ?”

It is this knowledge, and change of inflection, which sets someone like David Eadie QC apart from hacks like us of being stellar, of a different league, with a mind blowing workload.

People who are not from Oxbridge and boarding school struggle to pick it up !

Jeremy Paxman has it, even though he is not a barrister, but he went to Oxbridge and a school which had a boarding fraternity.

(1)(2)
Anonymous

David Eadie used to be a Brick Court Chambers QC, if I am not mistaken. I would be surprised if the hyperbole was much different in the 1990s. (Although this was before filming of Appeal proceedings let daylight in on the magic)

(0)(0)
Anonymous

So it would be…

QC “You were raised by wolves weren’t you ?”

Mowgli “No, not me, it woh Danny.”

QC “Please look at page 20 of bundle MK1”

Mowgli “Yes”

QC “That is a picture of you as a toddler, isn’t it ?”

Mowgli “No, that’s Danny”

QC “And the wolves in the picture are clearly seen molly coddling you with their cubs aren’t they ?”

Mowgli “No, that’s Danny, not me”

QC “Your distinctive birthmark on your right cheek is also clear to see in the picture, isn’t it ?”

Mowgli “No, Danny has the same birth mark as me”

QC “Just turn to the jury so they can see the birthmark on your right cheek”

Mowgli: does so

QC “This is the same birthmark as in the picture isn’t it ?”

Mowgli “It might be, leave me alone”

QC “You were raised by wolves, weren’t you ?”

Mowgli “Yes, but it wasn’t my turd in Michigan Law Library toilets”

QC “Thank you. One further question, I think”

QC “Danny is a figment of your imagination, isn’t he ?”

Mowgli “It’s a fair cop, yes.”

This is the brilliance of the Bar. Just don’t say “Surely an inquisitorial system is better, where, in this instance, the Judge could see exhibit MK1 page 20 for himself and cut out the barrister and the solicitor, and likely the clerk, and get closer to a justice system, rather than a legal system !

🙂

(12)(5)
Anonymous

One of the best comments I’ve seen on LC.
There’s a job waiting for you there…

(4)(1)
Future CC trainee

I admit it was me. I was trying to get some dry land practice in before my TC starts. I hoped that I could master my net technique before graduating to fishing a brown deposit from a bucket, then a bath, before going for the pool. Sorry.

(11)(0)
Snide Prick

So legal cheek has resorted to publishing articles about shit? I mean there is poor journalism and then there’s this. This is just an embarrassment.

(1)(4)
Anonymous

Rumour has it that Irwin Mitchell are looking to take on that poop as their newest client

(3)(0)
Anonymous

I think one of the LC writers must be a coprophiliac given the frequency of defecation-related stories here.

For most of us poo ceased to be amusing circa age 6…

(0)(0)
Rupert Meyrs

Hardly a cross examination. The author of the article clearly hasn’t had any advocacy training.

(0)(0)

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