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The terrifying personality cult of Bernadette Kearns

Meet Bernadette Kearns, the great leader of Wigan law firm Bernadette Kearns Property Lawyers. The firm’s website features an incredible 42 different themed images of her. Some depict the worlds of sport, the professions and leisure, while others explore Kearns’ relationship with more abstract concepts such as love, faith and time…

As you can see, Bernadette is a massive fan of house music.

When she isn’t DJing, she enjoys nothing better than a good game of baseball.

Bernadette is equally comfortable on the cricket pitch…

…and on, er, “H Factor”…

But she’s arguably most at home when deciding who wins the lottery…

…or controlling time itself.

As commander-of-chief of Bernadette Kearns Property Lawyers, Bernadette’s responsibilities include gardening…

…and control of the skies above the firm.

Naturally, she holds a head-of-church role too.

Lately, Bernadette has been doing a lot of Maypole dancing…

…which she intersperses with recollections of her memorable World Cup win…

…and tender moments with young admirers.

These go on and on…

As mentioned above, there are 42 of them in total, some better than others. To conclude, here’s Bernadette with a traffic light.

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