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AUNTIE EM’S HOMESPUN ADVICE FOR LAWYERS: ‘I’ve been having an affair with my boss’

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Dear Auntie Em,

I’ve been having an affair with my boss for the last four months. There I’ve said it!

He’s a partner, married and almost twice my age. I’m not proud of what has been going on, and I felt truly dreadful when, a month ago, he introduced me to his wife and children at his 50th birthday party.

I felt so dreadful, in fact, that I broke it off. Since then he has been emailing and texting me almost non-stop. In the most recent of these emails he alluded to his ability to make my life “more challenging than it need be.” With my annual appraisal coming up, I’m very concerned.

Best wishes,

Reena

Disclaimer: Auntie Em has never worked in a law firm. But she is an aunt and has a psychology degree. As a teenager, Auntie Em had a dream predicting 9/11.

Dear Reena,

What a pickle!

It sounds like he’s blackmailing you, honey. And this from a man who seems so loyal to his wife and kids! Are you surprised?

But we all make mistakes, dear. I’ve never worked in a law firm, however as a young naive lass I did keep frogs. I used to kiss my favourite frog every day, hoping that if I showed him enough love he’d turn into a handsome prince.

Alas, I was heartbroken when one day I discovered he had an entire family of frogspawn hidden under a lily pad at the end of the garden. He’d never mentioned them to me. The moral of the story is that a frog will always be a frog.

Now to business. This guy has more to lose than you do. Keep a record of all those emails he sends you, and print them off and put them in a nice little sturdy ring binder. Save the texts he sends you, too, take pictures of them even, then print them off and add them to the ring binder.

Then, in this appraisal of yours, if he tries to make your life “more challenging than it need be”, take out the ring binder, poppet, and clobber him round the head with it.

Chin up, darling,

Auntie Em

Kisses! x

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