Dear Auntie Em,
This one is a little bit embarrassing, I’m afraid. Okay, so let’s get straight to the point.
I have a slight issue with trapped wind that is affecting me at work. My question is: how acceptable is it to relieve myself of the wind in the ladies at work? You see, I’m uncomfortable with the idea of “farting it out” in a toilet cubicle, as my boyfriend has urged me to do. What if someone heard?
In fact, to be brutally honest with you, Em, I have tried this method and a woman from the property team who had seen me enter the cubicle must have heard me fart very loudly.
I immediately kicked the cubicle door twice to make it sound like the noise I had emitted was just one of a series of unexplainable bangs. But who am I kidding? The woman must have known.
Certainly, she appeared to be looking at me very strangely when I exited the cubicle.
But she is an aunt and has a psychology degree.
As a teenager, Auntie Em had a dream predicting 9/11.
Humans, crazily, do a lot of things naturally that we deem unacceptable in public, like burps, sweating and making myriad smells.
When you consider that we’re at work most of our day, that’s a long time spent suppressing nature. How are we supposed to unite these two dichotomous aspects of ourselves – the need to let rip, and the desire not to offend?
Well, Anna love, that’s what toilet cubicles are for. You can pick at your ears, and examine that scaly rash on your bum, too, if you want to – because if you can’t do it in a toilet cubicle, where can you?!
If you receive any more strange looks, just stare the accuser squarely in the eyes and say pointedly, “I feel much better now, do you?”
Perhaps you’ll start a small revolution in female toilet etiquette.
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