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‘I WANT TO NET A STUNNER, 25, TOO!’ Auntie Em Advises…

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Dear Auntie Em,

I read with great interest your piece dated 6 February, ‘Barrister, 40: How I Netted Stunner, 25’.

As it happens, I’m 40 myself, a barrister, and, since the breakdown of my relationship two years ago, single.

Despite re-reading the aforementioned article a number of times, I’m still not clear how the barrister involved, David Wilman (pictured), netted his stunner, 25.

Could you provide me with some advice?

Thank you in advance,

Patricia

Disclaimer: Auntie Em (pictured) has never worked in a law firm.

But she is an aunt and has a psychology degree.

As a teenager, Auntie Em had a dream predicting 9/11.

Dear Patricia,

Follow these tips, darling:

1. Stand tall. You’re a cougar. What a sexy, slinky sobriquet! Men seeking young totty, on the other hand, are just “dirty old men”.

2. Take up a faddish new hobby like Zumbarobics or BellyIndie or hula parachuting. This will enable you to befriend young people.

3. To hedge your bets, sign up to a dating website too. Select your preferred age range and wait for the messages to flood your inbox. Simples.

4. Approach love as you would a business transaction. Take the youth out to a fancy restaurant and flash the hard-earned cash you’ve accumulated over the decades.

5. Act as though it’s the most normal thing in the world for you to be dating someone half your age. Young people’s minds are so malleable, they’ll start to think it’s normal too.

6. Don’t get too close to the kid. In your email, which was a lot longer than the extract shown above, you mention wanting something that’s “not too sarious [sic]” that will “boost [your] ego”. But it can be hard to avoid forming attachments. Remember ‘The Rebound’, the film where Catherine Zeta-Jones is looking for a cheap fling but ends up falling in love with her baby-sitter who is still at school? Well, it doesn’t end well. Nor does Lolita for that matter.

Good luck with hooking a young’un!

Kisses!

Emily

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