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Fifty Shades Of Gray’s Inn: Shopping For Cable Ties And Rope In B&Q

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GDL student Anastasia Steal bumps into Christopher Grey QC, head of Gray’s Inn Chambers, in the most unlikely of locations

Every hour I checked my email, but each time I was disappointed. A week after that incredible morning when I interviewed Mr Grey for Lawyer2B, and still no confirmation of the mini-pupillage he had offered me.

He had offered it to me, hadn’t he? Could I have been dreaming? Had Mr Grey’s impeccable aura somehow combined with the magnificence of the watercolours in Gray’s Inn Chambers to make me imagine it all?

“Ana, we’re running low on those small screw hinges in aisle ten. Could you go and get some more out of the back?”

“Sure, Dave,” I responded, looking up at the ruddy face of my supervisor at the New Cross branch of B&Q, where I work on Saturdays. A more different creature to Mr Grey it was impossible to imagine.

As I made my way to the back of the store, I couldn’t help but notice the eye-catching figure of an extremely well proportioned man with his back to me clad in figure-hugging jeans and a sweater that appeared to be made of the very finest of cashmere. The man’s hair was copper and tousled. It couldn’t be…

“Ana, what a pleasant surprise,” said Mr Grey as he turned around.

“Christopher….I mean Christopher Grey QC…I mean Mr Grey QC…” I spluttered, gasping for air like a new born kitten. Holy crap.

“Ana, please, do call me Mr Grey,” said Mr Grey.

For a moment, we simply stared at each other, his eyes penetrating me as if they were a pair of deep sea oil rigs sucking up my very soul from beneath the ocean floor. But what was he doing here? I mean, hadn’t he said he lived in Chelsea? And even if the New Cross B&Q was particularly well-stocked, wouldn’t a top QC have someone to do their DIY-related shopping for them?

Mr Grey’s voice cut through my racing thoughts like a platinum arrow: “As it happens, Ana, you may be able to help me. I’m looking for some cable ties and a length of rope, and I don’t appear to…”

“Aisle 12,” I blurted out, feeling myself reddening. He knew all the laws of England and Wales yet all I knew was the location of some stupid cable ties and rope. I wonder what he was going to do with cable ties and rope..?

There was a pause that seemed to go on forever. Then, mercifully, Mr Grey spoke.

“Well, thank you Ana. All steam ahead to aisle 12 it is then,” he said, before spinning on the heels of a pair of top-of-the-range lightweight walking boots.

“Oh Ana, there is one other thing,” said Mr Grey, extending his 180 degree turn into a delightful 360 degree pirouette that drew gasps of awe from fellow-shoppers. “That mini-pupillage. I would like you to begin it tomorrow.”

“But tomorrow’s Sunday, My Grey.”

“All the better for showing you the Inns of Court without any interruptions. 9am sharp. At Gray’s Inn Chambers. I’ll be expecting you,” he said

My inner goddess gasped.

Read the previous instalment from Anastasia here.

1 Comment

John_Lewis_Scammer [non-practicing barrister]

On the whole, Occupy was at least original in a performance art sort of way. This is just derivative junk, not rescued in the slightest by the fact it’s so openly derivative. Can Anastasia and replace her with a weekly column from Uncle Solicitor, would be my suggestion, tyvm

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