The Barrister Hottie Experts will once again breach Inns of Court protocol and objectify hapless members of the Bar by ranking them according to their looks.
It’s hard to believe that nearly a year has passed since we launched our hottie lists of 2013. Time flies when you’re’ having fun, they say, and we’ve had so much fun objectifying lawyers that we just want to keep on going and going.
We hope to repeat the magic in 2014 and put together the hottest list that is humanely possible (given the limitations of the profession). We envision a kind of Fortune 500 for lawyers, but instead of ranking wealth, we will of course be ranking hotness. As in any of these lists (Art Review’s Power 100, People’s 50 Most Beautiful), some winners will remain on the list from one year to the next, while others will sadly but inevitably get bumped off.
Last year, some of you complained that your favourite hottie wasn’t on the list. Don’t fear friends, this will not happen again! Even though we have scoured the chambers of London, prestigious and dodgy alike, we cannot be all knowing. There are some stones that we have not overturned. This is where you come in. We want you to send any choice legal morsels our way.
We will repeat last year’s format and start with the men. Some men turn to us with incredulity and say: “We didn’t think women cared about looks.” Wrong. Women can be just as superficial as men, if not more. This is not to say that we don’t also want loving, caring and witty boyfriends. We do. Like men, we want it all.
Shall we give you some basic training? First — trust your instincts. Even if you squint your eyes, the general form of a man should instantly betray whether he is potentially hot or not.
You know what we’re talking about — tall, confident, broad shoulders, chiseled jaw. (Excess fat and any trace of a man boob should instantly disqualify the candidate.)
We hear our critics shrieking about how awful and frivolous we are.
But we don’t stop there. Is he charming? Charismatic? Kind? Does he have a naughty twinkle in his eye? We know it’s a challenging brief, but if anybody can fulfil it, we think barristers can.
So there you have it. Go forth and seek for hottness! The person who turns up the best-looking candidate will get a bottle of fiiiiiiinest prosecco, compliments of the Barrister Hottie Experts.
Contact the Barrister Hottie Experts by email at email@example.com or through Twitter.