Southampton Uni law student drafts piss-taking health and safety instructions for microwave

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Procrastination at its very best


Law students rarely have free time.

This is never more so than during the hectic exam period, in which many can be found wandering the corridors of the law library like a scene from The Walking Dead, only much worse.

However, one anonymous probable law student at Southampton University clearly had a little too much time to spare. Using university headed paper, the wannabe lawyer has drafted a set of comedy “instructions” on how to use the communal microwave.

The notice was spotted by Southampton uni lecturer Paul Scott — who specialises in public law — and he took to Twitter to post a photo of the tongue-in-cheek microwave guidelines.


Scott suggests in his tweet that the young lawyer-in-the-making is drafting the guidelines in response to the multitude of health and safety notices dotted around campus.

The guidelines kick-off warning users that they must not only read but also comply with the instructions that follow. As far as drafting goes, not a bad start.

It then quickly moves on to explain that food must not be left unaccompanied in case it gets “lonely” or “sulky”. Seem fair, after all there’s nothing worse than sulky microwaved chicken korma.

The student also stresses the importance of not placing anything in the microwave that isn’t designed for that specific purpose — particularly Play Doh, as this will of course lead to shape-shifting creatures such as Morph. OK, things are starting to get a little weird.

Throughout the document — which was posted on Twitter a fortnight ago — there are references to the microwave as a “michaelwave”. Legal Cheek is unclear whether this is a subtle reference to the new Lord Chancellor, an inside joke or simply an illustration of the poor state of university student spelling.

The anonymous student is clearly also something of a physics buff. Referring to what Legal Cheek believes to be real scientific concepts, the notice warns against heating water in the microwave for fear of “ecta-vaporising” colleagues and transporting them to a different space/time continuum.

Nearing the end the law student enters “mother knows best mode”, reminding students to keep their elbows off the table and clean their plate.

Finally in case of fire, the budding lawyer suggests heading over to Southampton’s student union for a nice halloumi wrap.

Who said law students don’t know how to have fun?