Retiring judge confesses he once drew a ‘very large phallus’ on court messaging system

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By Thomas Connelly on

The cheeky doodle led to staff having pens confiscated


A judge has used his retirement speech to reveal he once scrawled a “very large phallus” on a court messaging system.

Neil Ford QC confessed he used an official court computer — which is operated using a stylus instead of a mouse — to draw the crude penis-shaped doodle. The 63-year-old, clearly proud of his anatomical artwork, then proceeded to send it to all of his colleagues.

But it would appear that Ford’s penis prank backfired. According to Bristol Post, the retiring judge disclosed how the lewd message “led to everyone’s pen being confiscated.”

Mischievous judge Ford — who has spent the last eight years as a judge at Bristol Crown Court — just can’t seem to resist the pranks. During his speech, he recalled the time he stuffed a friend’s bag full of small gin bottles during a train trip from a trial in Reading. The local news report also revealed Ford set his ‘out of office’ status on the court’s digital system to “a drawing of a fist making a single finger salute.” Charming.

Commenting on his successor, Judge Peter Blair QC, Ford, somewhat bizarrely, said:

He is to Bristol what Donald Trump is to Washington. He can’t wait to don the bright red gown.

Hopefully Blair can make Bristol Crown Court great again.

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