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The Legal Cheek team reads out your mean comments

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‘Boring, uninformative drivel’

Legal Cheek’s popular comments section is, more often than not, a fiery blend of careers advice, industry tittle-tattle and abuse — much of the latter being aimed at us. With that in mind, and to show there are no hard feelings, we thought it was about time we took a break from editorial duties to read out some of our favourite mean comments.

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60 Comments

Not the Droid you're looking for

Wonkette – whose twitter feed I can highly recommend- does this with a bit more polish and witty comebacks.
Maybe use that as an example for the next one?
Just sayin’

(2)(2)

Anonymous

Alex, you’re not paying Katie enough to do this shit for you.

I actually can’t believe this is your news story on a Friday.

(35)(3)

Rupert; a US firm associate

I just wanted to say that I feel a degree of pride and satisfaction That one of my comments made it onto that list.

You stay exactly what you are like, LC.

(9)(0)

Anonymous

what is a Rupert?

(2)(1)

Anonymous

It’s a name. Albeit rare and you don’t hear it every day.

(0)(1)

Rupert; a US firm associate

Actually, I do.

(8)(1)

Anonymous

Ah! Poopert Bear!

Nice of you to join us again!

(1)(0)

Anonymous

Come on. Everyone knows his name.

Everyone come and join in all of his games..

(1)(0)

Rupert; a US firm associate

Actually, my surname is de Beere.

Nothing funny about that.

1.56 of drivel

At least you can sit back and lightheartedly accept just how shit you actually are.

(10)(2)

Anonymous

Of all the comments those were a bit tame. Why none of the sexually suggestive stuff?

(2)(1)

Anonymous

This is almost a challenge to commentators to up their game!

That said, there are not many fora on the internet nowadays where one can comment anonymously, so it’s bound to attract the trolls.

(3)(1)

Corbyn. Symphathiser

I don’t feel that I need to up my game, but I do agree with your second point.

(1)(3)

Anonymous

You do as you’re not the real Corbyn. Sympathiser. which just makes you extremely weird.

(9)(0)

Anonymous

Does that mean you’re the real Corbyn. Sympathiser? Aren’t you all equal cuck comrades? Isn’t all property ownership the hallmark of the fascist?

(0)(4)

Anonymous

You’re the cuckiest cuck that ever cucked

(4)(0)

Anonymous

Your rhymes indicate you to be the beta of all betas. Pussy.

(0)(3)

Anonymous

Legal Cheek might still be the journalistic equivalent of what a horse with food poisoning drops in a field but at least the staff have some sense of humour, which is more than I can say for many of the LC commenters

(33)(2)

Anonymous

cuck

(1)(1)

Anonymous

duck

(1)(1)

Anonymous

Schmuck

(0)(0)

Anonymous

Fuck.

(1)(0)

Anonymous

How original, Twatfish!

(0)(0)

Anonymous

You are not news.

Worse than those Reacting to… videos on youtube

(33)(5)

Anonymous

It’s ok Alex and co, the cameras are off – you can all cry now at how much we think you’re all rubbish

(21)(1)

Anonymous

And yet here you are…

(1)(1)

Frustrated Writer

It was now two weeks since the meeting with the Reporter. Alex was desperate. He had begged the friends he had left for some cash to restart the trolling, but none would lend him a penny. In his heart of hearts he knew that it was a long shot, and if he was them, having doled out hundreds, if not thousands, of hard earned pounds over the years, only to see it lost at the dog track or some basement casino he wouldn’t have provided any cash either.

Alex had sat for hours in the garage that was his home, filling his note pad with idea after idea to get more traffic. None would work. More retention articles? No. The same. An article about previous articles? Just more recycled nonsense.

He was done. It was time to end it all. Not just Legal Cheek, but his miserable life as it was. Alex had to close down the Legal Cheek office, cut his losses, change his name and end it all once and for all. He made the arrangements via a few underworld contacts he had from the one loan shark he had paid off. He had lined up a tasty new job, new identity and papers. No one would suspect the quiet Polish man named Aleksander picking strawberries in the Kent countryside with his fellow countrymen had been the owner of a low level legal news website.

The day arrived to leave. A van would meet him at a bus stop a short walk from his mum’s house. Alex had held a small bonfire in the back garden, ritually burning every Lord Denning t-shirt he had. He hoped that would banish his bad luck.

Alex packed a small backpack with the essentials. A change of clothes, some toiletries and a picture of himself in happier times, arm around Judge Rinder. He had ignored the grimace on the judge’s face when he looked at that picture so many times, and couldn’t bear to be parted with it.

Alex looked around his mum’s house one last time, and entered the small living room. Alex’s mum was asleep in her arm chair, TV still blaring in the background. Alex delicately placed a throw over her, being careful not to wake her. The note would explain everything. It would take her a week or two to build the courage to enter the garage, and him disappearing that long wasn’t unusual, so he knew that he had a head start.

Just as he was leaving, Alex heard the hallway phone ring. It only ever rang for debt collectors or that one person he wanted to speak to. Without thinking, Alex picked up.

His heart skipped a beat as he heard the Reporter’s gravelly voice.

“Look Alex, maybe I was a little harsh. I’ve heard you’re closing down. I’ve got sources.”. Alex was stunned.

“Yes, it’s true” Alex responded, ruefully.

“Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t want to lose the little payments you do make. So here’s an idea you can have for free. Listen up.”.

Alex was so eager he nodded, before he caught himself, realising it was a phone call. This was the kindest and longest conversation they had yet had.

“You’ve got to offer the biggest bait yet. A video. You and the whole team, even that student guy no-one can remember. Reading out the worst, vilest comments ever. They’ll lap it up.”.

Alex was stunned. He had worked through the night every day, drinking coffee and using all manner of energy drinks and worse but could find nothing as perfect and direct as that.

“Wow, thanks, I don’t know what to say” Alex stammered, incredulous by the Reporter’s genius.

“Say nothing, kid, just make the video. And for your information, there’s no more freebies”.

With that the line went dead. Alex punched the air. The last time he was this elated was when the Lord Harley storey topped 1,000 comments. He had work to do.

(52)(7)

Anonymous

Yuo’re not the real FW. Not the same quality at all.

(4)(5)

Anonymous

TL;DR

(2)(3)

Frustrated Writer

That’s OK, skip over it then :-).

(3)(1)

Anonymous

But you are ROF, right?

(1)(0)

Ciaran Goggins

The Commissar slammed his Nagan on the table “Why is there no sound?” The young Politruk shivered, he could smell the vodka plainly. “A plot by the Germans?”

(0)(0)

Jones Day Partner

Sexy.

(3)(1)

Leigh Gay Trainee

Fancy a bum?

(3)(0)

Jones Day Partner

Does the tin-man have a sheet metal cock?

(2)(0)

Anonymous

Trailer Park Boys?

(1)(0)

Emperor Palpatine

Gooood, good … let the hate flow through you..

(13)(0)

Emperor Palpable

And a darkness shall shroud the land… The prophecy is fulfilled..

But seriously, if you think it’s that S41t, why do you read it??? It’s not supposed to be high brow intellectual political discourse… It’s a laugh.. The clue is in the name.. “cheek”..

Lighten up… Open an private browsing window… Line up the toilet tissue… Relaaax..

Bunch of w42ker5…

(4)(1)

Martin McFly

Hey! Lighten up, jerk!

(1)(1)

Anonymous

What’s that McFly, are you yellow?

(5)(0)

Coldplay

🎼They were all yellow🎶

(1)(0)

Anonymous

I’m sorry, but I’m a bit peeved off by this. Some of us put a lot of effort into our put-downs. Why did you gloss over them and read these rubbish ones?

(12)(1)

Jimmy Kimmel

Should have edited to R.E.M – Everybody hurts

(1)(0)

Snowy McFlake

This whole thing triggered me!

(1)(0)

Lindsey Cuckingham

I was so triggered I could have been in Only Fools and Horses

(2)(0)

Anonymous

I don’t like the inconsistent commenting policy

Why can’t we comment on the Norton Rose thread and post about how shit they treat their junior workers

(4)(0)

Anonymous

The women at LC are very attractive.

Katie obviously. But who is that gorgeous dark-haired woman who appears in the video?

(Dear Ms Proudman, should you be reading this, the comments above are both complimentary and additional to the high regard in which I hold the work done by those attractive women. It goes without saying that women in the law (and journalism) are every bit as capable as their male peers. Not choosing to comment on women’s professional skills is therefore an advance in gender equality.)

(7)(1)

Barry the Barrister

Hi, my name is Barry, can anybody help me join a new chambers please? KK rocks btw!!!

(4)(0)

Anonymous

Hello Barrington,

I think 1 Grays Inn Square may have a place for someone of your calibre…

(1)(0)

Constable Goody

YOU’RE SO MEAN!!!!

(0)(0)

Kinklaters

Shame LC had to borrow the best content it’s had in 6 months from their comment section.

(4)(0)

Anonymous

The first comment about Tommy’s bench press max had me in stitches.

(2)(0)

Anonymous

I would visit Legal Cheek more if this was the only type of article they posted. The comments section is by far the best thing about this sad, pathetic website.

(4)(0)

Ciaran Goggins

Raises many questions – would you do this if not anonymous? If you hate LC why read it? Where do the LC lot, Katie, Alex, all of them, appear in the “Snowflake index”?

(0)(0)

Anonymous

If it wasnt anonymous there would be a fraction of the comments and LC knows that

(1)(0)

Anonymous

Trash talk for a trash website

(1)(0)

Katie King

After this, I blew some truckers and will be appearing a porno with Bill Cosby.

(3)(0)

Toby Bowden

Where was the token black guy? All I saw was white and caramel.

(2)(0)

Wayne Rooney

Katie, I left my shirt at your place, can I come and get it?

(2)(0)

Anonymous

😂😂loving how Tom wore a tee that maximised his arms for that first comment 😂😂

(1)(0)

Comments are closed.