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A legal dictionary for the up-and-coming professional: part two

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Wigapedia returns with the second part of his glossary of key legal terms used in practice (part one is here).

PART TWO: J-W

Joint Settlement Meeting

A meeting brought about by a joint agreement that both sides are too tight-fisted to instruct a proper mediator.

Jackson Reforms

A set of legal and practical proposals whereby claims are diverted from the litigation process in which they are presently engaged, to different professional negligence lawyers and different court claims. Apparently with the object of saving court time and reducing costs.

Mediation

A Mexican stand-off with biscuits.

Meeting

A fictitious place, much like Narnia.

As in “the solicitor concerned is in a meeting and can’t take your call about counsel’s fees right now”.

Opinion

Like an Advice (see part one) but with more sections from Lawtel cut and pasted in. Carries an additional 25% on the fee.

Payment on Account of Fees

A rarely seen creature, a bit like the Yeti.

Pupil

Person who is paid by chambers to make tea, smile a lot, look interested and pretend that the feedback they are getting is even nominally helpful. May carry books to court on occasion as well.

Photocopiers

Largely redundant items of electronic equipment which work every third Friday. Designed by photocopier engineers to keep them in a job for life.

Pleadings

A document in which the client’s name is inserted via “find and replace” into a pre-existing document, the date and header altered and the same fee note as before generated.

Part 18 Questions

The written equivalent of a tripwire.

Part 18 Replies

Kindly sod off” phrased in a number of circumlocutory ways.

QC

“When you’re up to your neck in doo-doo and sinking fast, you need the man with the biggest shovel” (Confucius)

Part 35 Question to Expert

Enquiring whether the expert has in fact ever managed to pass his A-levels, in as many different ways as possible.

Res Ipsa Loquitur

A phrase inserted in pleadings to show that the barrister went to a minor public school at the very least.

Re-Examination

Asking “Did you really mean to say that” in as many different ways as possible.

Reserved Judgment

A judgment principally written by someone who has not read the papers, not heard the submissions but knows more about this area of law than the actual judge you had in court.

Schedule of Loss

A grown-up version of the list children write to Santa of all the toys they want.

Telephone Hearing

A technological advance by which lawyers and the judge can play Angry Birds and pick their nose, whilst technically in court.

Trial Bundle

A collection of mainly irrelevant and poorly-photocopied pages, in a defective lever-arch file, the relevant parts of which are added as the trial progresses.

The White Book

A novel concept in publishing. The reader pays £400 annually to get the same content as last year, but with slightly different page numbers.

Witness Statement

A document written by someone other than the person whose name appears at the top of it.

Part one of Wigapedia’s legal dictionary for the up-and-coming professional is here.