News

A handy five-point plan on how to pull law students

By on

Student website reckons it’s sussed how to cajole knackered, stressed and career-obsessed wannabe lawyers into the sack

kissme

Shocking as this may seem to highbrow law students — some people go to university primarily on a mission to escape the gimlet eye of parental control and get shagged.

Law students doubtless have their heads buried in textbooks for all the hours they are not in lecture halls or the few moments they allow themselves a spot of snatched sleep. But others at university are targeting them for that prime rumpy-pumpy activity.

Online student newspaper The Tab has within the last few days published its definitive guide on “How to pull a law student”.

The five-point plan will probably offend hard working students of the law across the land. But nonetheless, they need to be aware of the tactics those pissing about with intellectually inferior degrees — English, history, philosophy, just to name some of the more obvious — are likely to employ in a bid to bed them.

1. Swot up on the lingo

isthisaword

The Tab suggests that knowing the meaning of expressions such as pro bono and mens rea is a good start on the road to winning law student affections.

2. Hang out at law clinics

lawclinic

Apparently, they provide a high density of tired and emotional law students looking for a dollop of human comfort.

3. Develop a drinking habit

drunkbaby

For some reason, The Tab reckons law students are even bigger piss-heads than the average student. The site attempts to support this supposition with hard stats.

“Depressingly, 15-24% of lawyers will suffer from alcoholism during their career,” writes the love guru author of the piece, Amy McElwaine, “and they probably start at university.”

4. Look smart — indeed, “suit up”

doge

Law students spend a lot of time in DJs and ball gowns, according to McElwaine. So those addicted to denim are unlikely to get their legs over.

5. Don’t be nosy about career plans

pug copy

According to the website, this is a real turn-off, as it reminds law students of the grim employment prospects in the legal profession, or alternatively, of the grindingly boring roles the lucky ones will have to take at City law firms.

So there you are, law students — forewarned is forearmed.

If you spot a smartly dressed character approaching your law clinic desk, spouting Latin phrases, proffering a bottle of vodka and reassuringly suggesting that there is more to life than working in the Square Mile — don’t forget to take precautions.