Lawyer appears in bizarre firm advert with foul-mouthed sex doll

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By Judge John Hack on

A California high street practice has taken advertising to fresh heights as the founding partner has a chat with a randy doll


Ripping the piss out of the more ludicrous examples of US law firm advertising is — as our cousins Stateside would say — like shooting ducks in a barrel. But this latest entry is a serious contender for best in show — a sort of Aylesbury in a pond otherwise populated by mallards.

The Law Offices of Michael A Fiumara is based in Sanoma County, the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge and 55 miles north of San Francisco in the heart of the state’s renowned vineyards. It’s a fairly straightforward high street practice, focusing on crime, personal injury, family and education law.

Where it veers from the norm is in its approach to marketing, with the senior partner recently producing a YouTube video advert in which he speaks to a sex toy.

And this is no common or garden dildo or gimp suit — but a talking doll that likes to get down and dirty.

As our counterpart website in the US, Above the Law, reports, for some reason Fuimara reckoned it would encourage prospective clients to rush through the firm’s doors in droves if he were to engage the doll in a serious conversation about the law.

The problem being the doll — named, for reasons known perhaps only to Fiumara, Candy Wolinski — doesn’t really have that much interest in legal niceties or jurisprudence. She’d rather splurt pronouncements such as:

“Oh baby — it’s so big,” and “take off your clothes so I can go down on you”.

Sadly Fiumara speaks over part of Candy’s most entertaining comment, but in response to his tedious recitation of recent litigation wins, she quips something akin to:

“I’m bored — roger my pussy.”

Normally, US law firm excursions into YouTube marketing end up as being damp squibs. But perhaps unsurprisingly, Fiumara’s latest effort has attracted more than 2,400 views — indeed, that’s probably why he’s given Candy a run out.

Nonetheless, not everyone in Cyberland sees the funny side. One seems particularly outraged, which is odd, considering the commentator travels under the charming handle of Assbitchfucky.


Fiumara is no stranger to this game. YouTube is cluttered with his efforts — another entertaining entry focuses on liability in serious accidents involving drink-driving charges, which is interspersed with images of teenage girls on the lash.

The lawyer reassuringly informs prospective criminal clients that he’ll fight like a terrier to convince police and prosecutors to wise up and drop the charges, but “if we have to go to trial — our goal is acquittal”.

Driving home that point is the firm’s specially-crafted website URL: