Lawyers try their hand at law-themed poetry, with hilarious results

#barristerpoetry brings light-hearted fun to steely profession

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A witty hashtag thought up by a top employment law barrister has prompted a flurry of law-themed poetry to sweep the Twitterverse.

And who said lawyers have no sense of humour?

11KBW barrister Sean Jones QC began spontaneously tweeting using the #barristerpoetry hashtag yesterday morning. After a slow start, other lawyers caught on and began to offer up their own snippets of creativity, and we think they’re great.

Here are some of Legal Cheek’s favourites.

There was some Shakespeare.

Even William Wordsworth was given the legal treatment…

So did Robert Frost.

The row about trigger warnings in law lectures got a mention.

So too did Graeme Stening, the Waterloo rush hour sex lawyer.

As did the Mr Justice Smith lost luggage fiasco.

Keep them coming!

32 Comments

Anonymous

My subject is credit hire, and the pity of credit hire. The poetry is in the pity.

(6)(1)
The Lord Harley of Counsel

I will eat a pie.
I will eat a pie in my underpants.
But nothing else I will wear.
Except for all the posies and all the daisies,
Garlanded in my hair.

(12)(1)
Ms Charlotte Proudperson

I regularly get Shepherd’s Pie in my knickers…

At least that’s what I think it is…

(1)(0)
Danger Mouser Chief Agitator & Rabble Rouser

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there I do not sleep
5,000 words tomorrow on Moxhay
Are guaranteed to put a bullet in my head anyway.

(10)(7)
Anon

I tried to think a lonier thing-
Than any I had seen-
Rejected for a vac scheme-
No training contract given-

Perhaps-a life of PR
Or Marketing-
Awaits me-

Oh dear-
Why did I-
Choose English?

(6)(10)
Lord Bumblepock

How I wish I had not become a lawyer
Caveat Emptor

(10)(8)
Anon

Do not go gentle into the dark night,
Here’s caffeine and some modafinal,
Sleep is for the weak of might.

The library may empty in the dimming light.
Yet I have finals tomorrow,
So for Slaughter and May,
Stay stay stay the bloody night.

(31)(11)
Sandman

If you can keep your head
when all about you are losing theirs
and blaming it on you
then you probably have good grounds for a strike-out application

Once upon a midnight dreary
As I pondered, weak and weary
over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore
I began to regret my decision to join the Chancery Bar

The owl and the pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful peagreen boat
In breach of the Welfare of Animals (Transport) (England) Order 2006 and Council Regulation (EC) 1/2005

(33)(6)
Philip Kilby

They shall not be forgotten, As non Denning cases are forgotten,
Mundanity shall not obscure them, though latter cases condemn,
In their individuality, and for dissenting opinion,
We will remember them.
– Philip “Binyon” Kilby

(6)(5)
Huw

Bent double, like old paralegals under stacks (of paper)
Knock-kneed, coughing like judges, we cursed through bundles
Till on the haunting contracts we turned our backs
And towards our distant briefs began to trundle.
Lawyers marched asleep. Many had lost their gowns
But limped on, blood-shod. All went fee-less, all fined,
Drunk with civil procedure, dead even to the sounds
Of obiter dicta dropping softly behind.

Disclosure! Disclosure! Quick, boys! An ecstasy of fumbling
Filing the court applications just in time
But someone was still bundling and numbering
And flound’ring like a client who’s guilty of the crime
Dim, through the dusty textbooks and thick red Archbolds,
As under a gagging order, I saw him resigning.

In all my dreams, in all my helpless submissions,
He plunges at me, cross-examining, questioning, resigning.

If in some pupillage committee’s dreams, you too could PACE (1984)
Behind the wig we put on him
And see him lose case after case
An unreported case, like Chris Grayling’s sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every recess, the litigant-in-person
Pretending to understand the law
Obscene as joint enterprise, bitter as a supreme court justice,
Of vile, incurable defamations on libel lawyers’ tongues
M’learned friend, you would not submit with such high zest
To magistrates ardent for some legal glory
The old lie: “if you don’t know what to study,
Why not do a law degree?”

(28)(7)
Owen W.

I hurt my back,
My Pupil master hit it with the White Book.
I heard it crack.

(6)(1)
Cgl

Remember remember the the slug and the beer,
The damages claimed and sought,
There is no reason why the test of causation,
should ever… oh, I forgot!

(13)(3)
Anonymous

Haha, reminds me of the time way back when I was still studying; first year, and I failed the Torts exam for this reason 🙂

(2)(0)
Enriquequeque ig-lazy-ass

I can be your counsel baby,
I can blag away your case,
I will stand by you forever,
I can make, your indictments go away…

(5)(2)
Trumpkin

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, eating his Christmas Pie.
He put in his thumb, and pulled out a plum, and subsequently made a no win-no fee personal injury claim for the burns he sustained due to insufficient labelling on the packaging that the filling of said Christmas pie might be extremely hot!

(21)(0)
Gus

There was a young counsel called Lottie,
Who everyone thought was quite potty.
Human rights and FGM
And a hatred of men
Got poor potty Lottie a smacked bottie!

(8)(4)
The Jolly Pillar Box

Little Tommy Tucker sings for his supper (contrary to the Vagrancy Act 1874)

What shall we give him? White bread and butter (that comply with EC Regs and 41/2009 and 2291/94, respectively).

How shall he cut it without a knife?(which should have a folding blade, with a cutting edge not exceeding three inches – CJA 1988 s.139)

How shall he be married without a wife? (See generally Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act 2013).

(16)(0)
The Constitution Officer

An IP event at the Inner Temple last year had a competition to complete a limerick with the opening line “There once was a legal event”:

There once was a legal event
Caused by a sailor from Kent
He ate his party
Then came back from sea
Of Dudley he hadn’t a hint

(1)(1)
J

The Vagrancy Act 1874 states you can do something constructive for money – singing. However, you cant predict fortune or future for cash.

(1)(3)
The Jolly Pillarbox

He was singing about a future supper that he longed for.

(3)(0)
Lord Elpuss

There was a young fellow named Rex
With very small organs of sex
So when charged with exposure
He replied (with composure)
“De minimis non curat lex”

(14)(0)
Lord Elpuss

A QC of great erudition
Does harbour a filthy condition
So devoid of all scruples
He ensnares young pupils
Who each make an oral submission

(3)(3)
Jafar

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(0)(0)

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