What law schools and babies have in common

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By Marwa Tariq on

Motherhood robs you of your precious sleeping time, is expensive and full of sh*t — sound familiar?

Image via Marwa Tariq’s blog, ‘Law School Mummy’

Contract law revision notes in one hand and a young baby in the other, Marwa Tariq couldn’t help but notice her City Law School studies and her recent step into motherhood have an awful lot in common. Here’s why.

1. There is far too much shit

While law school may not necessarily turn you into a pooping maniac (unless it does, in which case power to you and your journey), I think we can all agree the amount of work that piles up just within the first week can be compared to the amount of doodee a baby produces in their first week of life.

2. They both rob you of your precious sleeping time

Whether it is waking up at 3am to tend to a screaming baby or staying up until 3am trying to cram in as much reading as possible, both babies and law school are guilty of taking away one of the most important things needed for human survival: sleep!

3. You keep lying to yourself next year will be better

“Oh maybe when they start self-feeding things will be better”, “Oh maybe when they start talking things will get easier”, “Maybe when they get potty trained it’ll cut down my workload”. Nope, sorry boo.

Every law student deceptively tells themselves that next year will be better for them too: they’ll have gotten the hang of things, more flexibility in third year, etc. WRONG! With each passing year the anxiety and burden of passing exams, finding a training contract, getting onto a good grad scheme, etc, keeps increasing.

4. They are expensive AF!

Childcare, prams, car seats, nappies, baby food, clothing expenses, the costs of raising a child are never-ending. And TBH I don’t think I need to elaborate further on ways law school is expensive, you can just ask my crippling debts.

5. You keep reading, but nothing makes any damn sense…

Ever experienced re-reading the same page of your law textbook over and over again to the point you turn into the upside-down face emoji?

Children’s books are no less of a nightmare. I would like to present you with an actual excerpt of Dr. Seuss’s Scrambled Eggs Super!:

“I went for the kind [of eggs] that were mellow and sweet
And the world’s sweetest eggs are the eggs of the Kweet
Which is due to those very sweet trout which they eat
And those trout… well, they’re sweet ’cause they only eat Wogs
And Wogs, after all, are the world’s sweetest frogs
And the reason they’re sweet is, whenever they lunch
It’s always the world’s sweetest bees that they munch
And the reason no bees can be sweeter than these…
They only eat blossoms off Beezlenut Trees
And these Beezlenut Blossoms are sweeter than sweet
And that’s why I nabbed several eggs from the Kweet.”

6. You have gained at least 20 pounds thanks to them

What do you do when your baby has been crying all day: you binge on comfort food. What do you do when you are stuck in the library from 9am – 9pm: you binge on comfort food.

7. Both have unreasonable expectations

My son once cried because he couldn’t hold a bottle of juice which I just took out of the fridge because it was too cold. He seems to think I have super powers, just like my constitutional law lecture when he added two new cases to the reading least the day before the tutorial. And let’s not even get started on law exam schedules.

8. They’ve made you ugly cry on multiple occasions

Both babies and law schools know just how to push you over the edge.

Marwa Tariq is a law student at City Law School.

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