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11 reasons why you should avoid dating a lawyer at all costs

Your mum would be so proud, but it sounds better than it is

w1

Imagine the joy on your mum’s face if you came home and told her you were dating a lawyer.

We bet she’d be thrilled. Lawyers have it all: power, money, prestige. No wonder they are amongst the most right swiped professions on Tinder.

But don’t do it. Dating a lawyer sounds waaay better than it actually is. They really don’t make very good partners — in the romantic sense, at least.

Here are the 11 reasons why you should avoid dating a lawyer at all costs.

1. They work around the clock

Having a lawyer boyfriend or girlfriend is akin to having an imaginary friend. Lawyers lead notoriously busy lives and work notoriously long hours, so you better get used to ready meals for one.

2. The constant, grinding stress

Imgur
Imgur

When your better half finally does manage to break free from the chains of target billable hours — for a few hours away — expect them to take the stresses of work home with them. Sharing a bottle of wine and watching a film on the sofa? Add two hours of tears, sporadic email checking, the occasional angry outburst and three unexpected phone calls from international clients, and you have the perfect lawyer date night.

3. The narcissism

The Hunger Games mentality is instilled in lawyers from law school, and it’s hard to shake. They’ll slap your hand away just for trying to nab a chip off of their plate. The competitiveness, the unwillingness to share, the ego — it’s not what you want from your other half.

4. They’re probably cleverer than you

BBC
BBC

Law is a fiercely competitive industry to get into, so you can bet your partner is going to be an academic whizz. When it comes to watching the evening news together, prepare to be made to feel stupid at every stage.

5. Arguing with a lawyer is impossible

There’s nothing wrong with a bicker between couples every now and then. It’s a stress releaser, the sign of a healthy relationship. And that’s why fighting with a lawyer is so frustrating — they shut you down at every opportunity. One moment you’re having a private dispute in your living room and the next thing you know your partner’s cross-examining witness testimony from your next-door neighbour. You’re screwed: they will have more evidence against you in their back pocket than you could ever dream of having against them. It might even come in police evidence bags.

6. Prepare to fork out on language lessons

You go to the pub one day with your boyfriend and his work friends, and you feel as though you should’ve brought a dictionary with you. What the hell is a jurisprudence? You don’t really know what a merger is, and you smiled and nodded your way through the conversation on the EU referendum. And then there are the acronyms: LPC, SRA, LLB, BPTC, SDT, LLM — who knows what’s going on? One of their friends even referred to you as his learned friend.

7. The ruthless organisation

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Lawyers tend to be robotically organised in everything they do. The calendar will be the focal point in your home, so you can kiss goodbye any hopes of spontaneous romantic getaways (they won’t be able to take the time off work anyway).

8. You’ll always be second best

Lawyers put their work first. No matter how long you’ve been dating, the strong feeling of ‘they just don’t care about me’ is hard to shake. You’ll definitely always be the second most important ‘partner’ in their life. And they probably feel more strongly about the legal aid crisis than they do about you too.

9. The law firm freebies

Legal Cheek
Legal Cheek

For the second year in a row, your boyfriend has decided that a Slaughter and May pen is an appropriate anniversary present. All you ask for in life is a nice cat mug, not one with some sort of law firm-based motivational quote on it. And where does all this pink tape keep coming from?

10. The addiction to caffeine is concerning

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Curb Your Enthusiasm

You could overdose on the caffeine fumes circulating your room when your boyfriend comes to stay. The coffee, the Red Bull… and you nearly fell to your death when you slipped on a half empty packet Pro Plus at the top of the stairs.

11. Lawyers see the world through law-tinted spectacles

Lawyers are notoriously passionate about everything, and it’s simply inevitable that that cute date night you spent days planning will descend into a fierce and unwanted debate. You were just trying to tell the story about Linda from the hairdressers moving in with her sister, and now all of a sudden you’re having an intense discussion about the pros and cons of the Landlord and Tenant Act. Just don’t mention the EU…

44 Comments

Knemon

Katie, I think you ought to be writing for ‘The Tab’.

(155)(10)
Knemon

Nah. Ever since they got Jim Waterson as the political editor the articles have actually been quite witty and occasionally informative.

(7)(16)
Anonymous

Who is this Jim Waterson guy? I’ve heard he’s absolutely amazing.

(8)(3)
Anonymous

It’s odd that the article keeps referring to a ‘boyfriend’. I assume the author thinks we still haven’t really knocked down the sexist walls that cage female legal eagles, and it’s still a ‘male’ profession? What if the reader were a homosexual female, but can’t relate at all because the author insists this article is ‘boyfriends only’? Poorly written.

(206)(35)
Anonymous

You mean the bit that says he includes she? Didn’t mention anything about boyfriends, as far as I’m aware…

(12)(9)
Adam Costello

Three mentions of boyfriend where “partner” could have been used and a reference to a lawyer being male “one even refers to you as ‘HIS’ learned friend”.

Although if I were being charitable, I would say that it was written from a female perspective and an attempt has been made to make it gender neutral, but the misses are down to, once again LC, poor proofing and editing.

(31)(7)
Big Ron Weasley

Nor is this article an act of parliament but you’re allowed to use your imagination for both.

(18)(1)
Anonymous

She started using the pronoun “He” and she stuck with it. Does it really matter, or does she need to write He/She, everytime, what about when the genderless people come or double gendered, He/she/battlehelicopterkind/etc.

(31)(9)
Anonymous

OMG INTERNALISED MISOGYNY

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF KATIE

(14)(3)
A little bit gimpy

Stop being so sensitive. I’m a disabled lesbian and I wasn’t even offended.

(42)(2)
A little bit gimpy

Missed out on the BME but not White British. I’m a member of a minority religion, state educated and a bit of a foreigner.

(5)(8)
Anonymous

Yeah, what if a guy wanted to date, say, Charlotte Proudman? Oh wait, I see the problem.

(16)(3)
Just saying

To be fair the writer is female, she is probably just talking form her own experiences.

(9)(2)
Anonymous

Why does your article read like you’re only talking about men? More women than men are reading law at university these days.

(19)(6)
Anonymous

I’m a (female) law student and duh I felt left out. Consider some equality bruh

(8)(8)
Anonymous

This is depressingly bad. At least rof is funny – what’s your excuse KK?

(4)(3)
Laddington Bear

Dominos
0207 431 0045
262 West End Lane
West Hampstead
NW6 1LJ

(17)(3)
Anonymous

Lawyers HATE this trick to draw traffic to your website.

11 reasons why pointless lists will help expose the vacuous nature of existence.

(15)(0)
Anonymous

Take this quiz to find out how your star sign will tell you what kind of millennial law student twitter user you are

(12)(0)
Bilbow

Utterly true. There’s also the “someone asked me the other day if I liked Bentleys, but I have a Porsche, so…”! That was actually a first date dinner conversation. Yawn. Next.

(1)(1)
Angela

This is hilarious, thank you.
“they probably feel more strongly about the legal aid crisis than they do about you too”‘- ROFL!

(3)(3)
Anonymous

Re the Interpretation Act 1978, don’t words of the masculine gender import the feminine gender and vice versa, i.e., not just “he” or “she”?

(5)(0)

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