#Freelegaltips: Lawyers take to Twitter to share hilarious stories of client stupidity

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Don’t thrust your genitalia through a stranger’s letterbox


Lawyers have taken to Twitter in their droves to share side-splitting anecdotes involving the mindless antics of some of their clients.

Utilising the hashtag #freelegaltips, solicitors and barristers have disclosed some of the more interesting experiences only a career in law can bring.

While Legal Cheek cannot vouch for the accuracy of these stories, we think you’ll agree they are all hilarious. Without further ado, here are some of our favourites:

Sometimes honesty isn’t always the best policy.

Relationships can be tricky things.

Who said anything about a stabbing?

Dad, you’re alive!

Shall I compare thee to a sausage roll?

Probably best to keep the sexual fantasies to yourself.

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Don’t try and sell drugs to your Attorney General (NB: John McKendrick QC is actually the AG of Anguilla)

I think this is what they now call ‘doing a Huhne’.

Probably best to get your story straight before you’re in the dock.

There is no helping some people.

Nice fancy dress costume! Would you like to buy some speakers?

Do you have an amusing legal story you would like to share? Be sure to post it in the comments section below.



Hilarious!!! People are really this daft!


Exasperated Defence Counsel

Prosecution to defence witness:
“so you are the defendant’s best friend”?
Defence witness:
“Not many. We’ve been China plates since we wuz nippers”
“so you would do anything for him”?
Defence witness:
“Not alf. Cor Blimey , we is like bruvvers, we are”.
“Lie for him”?
Defence witness;
“Of course n he would for me n all”.



Was the defence witness Dick van Dyke??



Don’t turn up for your trial in which you are running ID, wearing the same distinctive tracksuit as you were on the CCTV…. #freelegaltips


Win for the Respondent

Counsel for the Claimant to Nigerian Respondent:
“Is it not your case that you claim not to have had a sexual relationship with the Claimant?
Respondent “That is de case”.
Counsel for the Claimant:
“But you admit to having sex with the claimant on no less than three occasions”?
Respondent: “That is de case”
Counsel for the claimant:
“So you have had a sexual relationship with the claimant”!?
“Please! Three times is not a relationship”!.


Mammy Briscoe

Dat is de RAYSISS commentt!!!!!!!



Don’t wear the same very distinctive coat for your trial that you are seen wearing on the cctv of the violent disorder in glorious technicolour .



Don’t steal frozen grated cheese from a supermarket, resell it just outside the supermarket’s door at a discount, then use the money you just made to buy a sandwich from the supermarket.

Just don’t.



Indeed. Why not just steal the sandwich?



When you are standing for an Indian taxi driver in a rape case and the prosecution ask whether she said no at all during intercourse, and he turns around and says no no no, she was to drunk to speak.


Expert Witness.

Defence counsel to expert witness:
“But how could you be sure she was dead”?
Expert witness:
“Because her brain was in a jar of formalin on my desk”



Stolen from America.


Dick Van Dyke

Big it up for LC for not censoring any of these examplars.


Ciaran Goggins

Quote Rebecca Herbert, lose 10 points.



When denying a historic sex allegation, don’t have made a full written confession 45 years ago to your employer, along with an assurance not to do it again, seek treatment and not work with children again.


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