The Legal Cheek big fat quiz of the year

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We look back at 2017’s top legal goings-on — but how much do you remember?

Well, as another action-packed legal affairs-filled year draws to a close, we look back at some of 2017’s more eye-catching stories. So take a break from revision, step away from that mince pie, and put your knowledge to the test with Legal Cheek’s big fat quiz of the year.


At the start of the year, Judge Patricia Lynch QC was cleared of misconduct by the judicial watchdog. But what had she done that had been the subject of the complaint?

a) Responding to an abusive defendant, she said: “You are a bit of a c***.”
b) She flicked the v-sign at a jury member.
c) She forgot to bring her wig to court.
d) She used a gavel.


A Cambridge law student hit headlines in February after being filmed appearing to do what?

a) Shredding his law books.
b) Running naked around Cambridge.
c) Diving off a bridge into the River Cam.
d) Attempting to burn a £20 note in front of a homeless man.


Earlier this year Hill Dickinson’s Liverpool office was targeted by vandals. What did they do?

a) Spray painted “FUCK LAWYERS!” near the building’s main entrance.
b) Sprayed the entrance with horse manure.
c) Threw an equity book through the window, causing it to smash.
d) All of the above.


In April, Aidan Wiltshire appeared in court for sentencing after he stalked a former DLA Piper lawyer. But what about his case caught the attention of the media?

a) He wore a onesie to court.
b) He was allowed to bring his cat into court.
c) He was dressed as a killer clown.
d) He was allowed to bring his parrot into court.


A Bond Dickinson paralegal went viral this year after attending a horse riding event — but why?

a) She won the dressage competition.
b) She held up a sign stating she was looking for a training contract.
c) She was wearing the same yellow puffer jacket as 16 other people.
d) She was dressed as a horse.


In June, Simon Spence QC upset solicitors after he appeared to liken them to what?

a) Mini-pupils.
b) Paralegals.
c) Miners.
d) Postmen.


A Nottingham Trent University law lecturer created what to make land law more interesting for his students?

a) A land law-themed Monopoly board.
b) A Pokémon Go-inspired game.
c) A treasure hunt.
d) A special land law cake.


Earlier this summer, City outfit Travers Smith adopted…

a) A more causal dresscode for its lawyers.
b) A dog called Travers.
c) A more formal dresscode for its lawyers.
d) A cat called Smith.


What unusual career did Ella Hughes quit law school to pursue?

a) Horse whisperer.
b) Porn star.
c) Stunt woman.
d) Lady Gaga tribute act.


Sir Ian Burnett became the new Lord Chief Justice of England and Wales this year. But what, according to Master of the Rolls Sir Terence Etherton, is Burnett’s nickname?

a) ‘Ian of Essex’ — due to him residing in the county of Essex.
b) ‘Rapper IB’ — due to his love of grime music.
c) ‘The Big B’ — a name he was given by friends at university.
d) ‘Hungry Hippo’ — because of his massive appetite.


A Birmingham law student reportedly spent £40 this year getting what tattooed on his leg?

a) Lady Hale’s face.
b) A gavel emoji.
c) A bottle of VK.
d) A snail and a bottle of ginger beer.


Which ‘legal personality’ won I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! this year?

a) Not Amused.
b) Gina Miller.
c) Former Westminster law student Georgia Toffolo.
d) Ex-Supreme Court President Lord Neuberger.

The answers can be found here.

Happy Christmas from the Legal Cheek team! Big thank you for reading and commenting, and we’ll see you in the New Year.

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Frustrated Writer

Tom arrived at the Premier Inn with a spring still in his step. The light was very much at the end of the tunnel for his Legal Cheek experience, and that light was burning brighter than ever.

Tom was due to lead a short workshop on the intricacies of the reporting of retention rates, his favourite subject. If he was honest with himself, it would better be described as an obsession. The night before, Tom had been confident about his speech until he scanned down the attendees list, his gaze stopping on the names Matthew Rhodes and Jamie Hamilton of Roll on Friday. On seeing the names of his future employers, his heart began pounding in excited nervousness. They must have come to see him and offer him the job, formally in person. It all made sense.

Alex had summoned Tom to the room he had hired, and on his arrival welcomed Tom warmly as he entered the room. The smell of booze was all too familiar to Tom, as it usually followed Alex around, but this time the stench was fresh, and Tom noted without surprise the empty bottle of whiskey poking out of a small waste paper basket in the corner of the room. Katie was already seated at the table, and she did not look up from her iPhone as Tom sat next to her, propping his laptop bag on the floor against the table and facing Alex, who remained stood near the door.

“So I thought you’d like to know what I’ve done about the Roll on Friday and Legal Week offer” Alex began, pausing to eye ball Katie, who still stared at her phone, tapping at it furiously.

Katie glanced up in response to the pause, impatiently holding up her ringed and perfectly manicured index finger. “Can you just wait one second, I need to finish this Tweet” she said impatiently, typing industriously with her other hand whilst her finger was raised, never missing a beat. “Amal was on the Mail Online today, I have to tweet about how lovely she looks”. A moment later, Katie dropped her phone to the table and looked up. “Yeah, go on” she said, in an irritated voice. “I need to finish my talk on celeb stalking, I haven’t got all day”.

Alex knew of Katie’s temper issues, so ignored the comment and pushed on. “Well, to cut to the chase, I thought that you should know that I’ve decided to reject the offer”. Alex paced the floor, eventually ending up by the small, grubby window that sat opposite the table where Tom and Katie sat. He turned his back to them, not wanting them to see his face. He had always been a poor liar, and did not want his expression to give the game away. “I did it for you both” he added “I could not let one of you go”. It was of course untrue. Alex had done this for himself. Ultimately, he could not stomach the humiliation of handing over his prized asset to his rivals.

Tom’s stomach hit the floor. How could this happen? Everything was going to plan. He had thought it was too good to be true, and he had been proven right. “What, are you sure mate?” he said, trying not to sound too desperate. “Have you told them?”

Alex remained still. “They know where I stand” he responded. Alex looked at his watch. “Is that the time? I’ve got to go. I’ve got a presentation to do on how to write favourable articles about sponsor firms”. He spun around, picking up a small deck of cue cards from the table. He did not look his employees in the eye. “See you in there”. And with that, Alex was out of the door.

Tom was raging. “Did you know about this?” he said, turning to Katie, waving a hand in the direction of the door. Katie did not respond, as she was already engrossed looking at the latest issue of Closer online. “Katie? I asked you a question” Tom said, his voice bubbling with rage. It was unusual for the usual dynamic between them to be reversed.

Katie, sensing the anger in Tom’s voice glanced up. She could not risk letting him know of her part in this episode. She took the easy route out. “Of course not. I lost out too” Katie replied, doing a good job of acting innocent. She was glad that she had honed the skill when getting her sister the blame for a number of indiscretions Katie had committed during childhood. To date, her parents still regularly bought her sister nicotine gum, thinking that it was her, not Katie, who had smoked in the house when they were away at their holiday home in Provence last year.

“I’ve got to do something. This can’t go unnoticed” Tom muttered. Katie shrugged and returned to her iPhone.

Tom grabbed his laptop from its case, and switched it on. After a while, his PowerPoint presentation appeared on the screen. Tom began reworking it. A grin formed on Tom’s face as he worked. He did not realised how much he would enjoy this. It would be the end of the road at Legal Cheek, but he had to get himself noticed by Roll on Friday somehow, and this would be as noticeable as it came.

Eventually, he put the computer back in its case. “That should do it” he remarked, pleased with his work. He looked over at the clock on the wall. He had been so absorbed in his work he had not noticed that half an hour had passed. It was time for his slot. Katie had barely moved and did not respond as he stood to leave. “See you on the other side Katie”. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and his voice reflected that.

Katie nodded, not looking up. She thought his turn of phrase was odd but did not dwell on it. She was too busy finding out where she could get a copy of Amal’s outfit to wonder what this man was up to.



And he’s back!!!



you really need to get a life



Good point well made


Frustrated Writer

Tom stood nervously at the lectern, looking across a sea of expectant faces as his first slide loaded. Sure, most of the audience were students who thought wrongly that this was a useful law based presentation, and most of the rest were homeless people Alex had paid to fill out the audience, but Tom was sure that Matthew and Jamie would be there too. Also, most importantly for Alex, a troop of sponsor firms had coerced trainees into attending, and they filled the front row, trying to stay awake.

Tom scanned the audience carefully, looking for any sign of bright orange that would give away the location of his erstwhile future bosses. It was hopeless – the room was too dingy, and the lights shining directly into his eyes too bright to make out anyone in the audience. He had to continue and hope they were there to lap it up.

Tom cleared his throat. “Hello everyone. I know that you were expecting a presentation today about how to write up retention rate articles, but I have to let you know there’s been a slight change to the programme”. He glanced down at his laptop, hitting the button to transition to the next slide. There was a gasp from the audience, followed by hushed murmurs as the watching crowd digested what they saw.

Tom half turned, casting an arm towards the slide. “Today, folks, I’m going to talk about workplace drinking”. On the slide was a picture of a man in this late thirties, lying face down in a corridor so sparse it could have passed for a prison, empty can of special brew in one hand. He was wearing a light grey suit, so everyone could see the brown stain on his trousers and down his legs that signified that he had not made it to the toilet in time. A few people in the audience whispered the name of the figure to neighbours. It was Alex, outside of Legal Cheek HQ on one of his better days.

Tom hit a button and the slide changed. This had three bullet points, and another photo of Alex. This time, he was passed out on the sofa in the office, mouth agape, a spider crawling over his closed eye lid. A dried puddle of vomit was on the floor beside him. Tom read over the bullets. “So, folks, firstly, if you have inadequacies in your life, for your own sake, don’t drink. Even if your undercarriage is the size of a hamster’s, it’s no excuse”. There was a few titters of laughter from the audience. Tom paused to take a sip of water. “Secondly, don’t put all your money on a horse when drunk, and lose your home”. Tom waited whilst the audience peered back. A few had their phones out, and began taking pictures. “Thirdly, be grateful for whatever random law firm HR department takes pity on you, and decides to give you a few pence to tout their names around”. He hit the key, changing the slide again.

The next slide contained a video clip. It had apparently been filmed secretly, showing only half of Alex’s form as he was sat in his familiar position on the sofa in the Legal Cheek office. The rest of the picture was the unmistakeable dull woody brown of the underside of a desk. The audience were treated to a close up of an ancient piece of chewing gum to confirm it.

As Tom hit play, Alex’s voice rang out. “Yeah, mate, I know RPC aren’t that great. I just need you to write multiple articles about them. Go on their website and choose one of their practice areas and say they’re the best at it. Also, throw in a few “top” firm references here and there. Trust me, they love it. They’re so stupid. They lap it up”. He let out a peel of laughter. “I’ve been doing it for years. Such a scam. Sometimes I just change the names on the articles and churn out the same nonsense. They never know. They don’t read the tripe we write”.

The video stopped abruptly. Tom flicked to one last slide. On it was a picture of Alex again lying prostrate, hugging the dirty toilet at the Legal Cheek offices, wearing a long black ball gown, his hairy chest on full view. His face was covered in makeup smeared so badly he could have passed for a clown. A cigar hung from the corner of his mouth, a bottle of cheap prosecco lie empty at his feet. It was one of his classier poses. “Finally, please, don’t do over your employees, who work their backsides off for you, taking all sorts of abuse from Anonymous commenters whilst you are out getting drunk. It could backfire on you”.

As Tom paused, he felt the familiar sensation of a body hitting him in his midriff. He was well used to being rugby tackled, but by men far bigger, far more sober and far more skilled than Alex, so he kept his balance. Alex came off worse, and hit the deck, clutching his shoulder in pain.

“How could you!” Alex screamed as stood up, left hand still placed on his right shoulder.

“You deserve to be outed. You’ve ruined everything for me!” Tom shot back, unblinking as he returned Alex’s murderous gaze. “You did it for yourself. I don’t buy your story”.

Alex dusted himself off. He tried to take the dignified approach for once. “Well, Tom, I did. But that’s the last thing I ever do for you. Consider this your marching orders. Don’t bother coming back”.

As Alex nonchalantly turned to leave, he was blocked by a blonde haired woman in her early forties, who had appeared on the stage behind him. She introduced herself. “Alex, I’m Claire Reynolds from RPC’s HR team”. Alex looked her up and down. He had not met her, only having spoken on the phone. He gulped. He was worried what was to follow.

“I’m afraid we’ll be ending our sponsorship now. We don’t associate with low lives like you, OK?” Claire turned and beckoned the gaggle of fresh faced trainees to follow her as she left via a nearby exit.

As the room filled with the rumble of excited voices, Alex looked back at Tom, who was smiling. He raised a finger, pointing at Tom. “Don’t speak to me, don’t look at me. You’re dead to me. I wish I had never given you this top job!”



Worth the wait!

I hope you have all of these saved somewhere, could make for a grand magnum opus one day.


Ciaran Goggins

Tom wiped sweat from his face. Turk Salazzo only got 6 out of 12 on the quiz. “You disrespect me” he muttered. “Padrone…” Tom began, the new consigliere, Katie nodded “Hyman Roth got over a million from you…” Tom had to redeem himself “Look, next January there is a documentary on Channel 4 about police corruption…” Salazzo stood by the window, the same one Cressida Dick had accidentally fallen from. “Si, certo, and in April the biggest civil case in UK legal history, which connects to a high profile unsolved murder”. Gambino arrived, breathless and (cont p.525)



Pipe down, you’re not funny.


Ciaran Goggins

“That is what 43 Chief Constables said” Alex shouted. Vinnie sat down, the chair groaning under his weight. “Claire? You ain’t gonna see her no more” his Noo Joisey twang hurt the room’s ears. They looked at him “She took up swimming, off Plum Island animal diseases research unit”. A body washed ashore hours later. Alex shoulders heaved “You broke my heart Alfredo” (cont p.600)



Well well, no Alan B stories feature. All I can say is – Thank fuck, we’re finally rid of the prick!



On here on Xmas day!!! Get a life


The Truth

They have no lives here the pricks fucking lawbytes wankers



This post has been removed because it breached Legal Cheek’s comments policy.


The Truth

Just proving my point now you halfwit tosspot


Judge Morgan

you will never be rid, he will haunt you for the rest of your days you spunktrumpet.


Lord Harley of Counsel

A Shit year. No stories about me.

The law has gone to pot. Just like me belly.



Amazed someone has taken the time to mass upvote and downvote. Sensitive cuck.


Sensitive Cuck




Ha! First on LC in 2018.

Happy New Year!


Comments are closed.

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