Mark Wahlberg’s routine: the law student version

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9:30am — miss land law lecture

This week Hollywood actor Mark Wahlberg sent social media wild as he revealed his punishing daily routine.

@markwahlberg (Instagram)

According to his daily schedule, the ‘Transformers: The Last Knight’ star begins his day at 2:30am where he will spend most of it working out and eating until he calls it a night at 7:30pm.

A host of mock versions have since been created in response to Wahlberg’s post. Here at Legal Cheek we’ve devised our own schedule for the daily life of a law student.

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Oh Legal cheek how funny are you? That law student schedule had me in metaphorical stitches!!!



I assume this is sarcasm



You assumed right. Well done. Have a cookie



Sod off.



6:30pm – Write sob story on crowdfunding website to garner sympathy and money; send to Legal Cheek for a feature and even more money



You missed the obligatory application to be in love island or some other dross



You missed the obligatory application to be in love island or some other dross



On the hour, every hour: Research into NQ retention rates of mediocre city firms



Alex’s version:

2:30am – arrive at home (Mum’s garage floor) blind drunk and get ready for bed.
2:45am – realise futility of life as editor of third rate legal blog. Cry.
3:45am – finally drift off on bed of “Denning is my Homeboy” t-shirts, hoping a rat won’t nibble toes.
6:30am – wake up for workout. Realise still drunk. Throw up over self and sleep again.
9:30am – wake up and realise late for work. Wash armpits and personal area with used wet wipe and leave for LC Towers.
10:30am – arrive at LC office, sweaty and tired having walked as bus driver wouldn’t allow “homeless” person on bus. Proceed to toilet.
10:45am – finish vomiting session and take strong painkiller.
11:00am – fall asleep on office sofa.
1:00pm – wake up and choose comments at random to delete that mildly insult any sponsor.
2:30pm – vomiting time again.
3:00pm – field calls from sponsors looking for more paid for content masquerading as articles.
3:15pm – wave through retention rate articles without checking.
3:30pm – head to pub. (Repeat until 2:30am)



You missed the bit where Alex continues to day drink from 2.30 am until 3.30 pm


Tommy Connelly

Top bantz bro



Looks like Mark Wahlberg got promoted to Equity Partner at Akin Pump. Rumours have it lateralled in from Royds LLP



Slow news Friday.

Shit content. A shame as Alex’s piece earlier was his best work for ages.



How depressing. Hundreds of articles a year and Alex writes one decent piece. What a muppet.



“Law student fresher addition”.


Straight from the mind of a fully grown adult man who has only ever heard the word “edition”, rather than seen it written, and who also lacks the cognitive ability to compute that the word “addition” in that context has no possible correct meaning.



This is at least 10 years out of date.

The millennial generation are basically teetotal and take university more seriously than was ever necessary.

Count your blessings you aren’t one of them.


Seen it all

They missed the essential bit of my schedule back at uni in 2011:

2.30am-3.00am: sweettalk bimbo to go back home

3.30am-4.00am: bus back home to miserable student flat in Stratford

4.00am-5.00am: try to have tedious sex with inexperienced 18 year old girl from Kent, fumble desperately in putting on condom on semi-flaccid penis, have said sex, ejaculate, ask if she had a good time. No response.

5.15am: tell girl you have an early session at the library, and she needs to leave.

5.25am: she begrudgingly leaves

5.30am: lie in miserable divan bed all alone, break down in tears, sob, regret life choices

Repeat ad nauseam or until suffering stroke.



If you were at uni in 2011 then you ain’t “seen it all”, kid.



Hey kids!

Isn’t watching TV fun?

Especially when you got delicious McDonald’s hamburgers!






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