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Barrister used driving licence to eat pasta lunch after court security confiscated his fork

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‘What a forkin nuisance!’

A mock-up of what it might have looked like

A barrister reportedly ate his lunch with a driving licence earlier this week after court security allegedly confiscated his fork.

Guy Bowden, a criminal barrister at London’s Red Lion Chambers, took to Twitter this morning to reveal that a colleague of his had used his plastic driving licence to eat his pasta-based grub.

Bowden did not reveal the identity of his colleague, however, did tell Legal Cheek that it occured at Kingston Crown Court (yes, Kingston Crown Court of mad meal deal fame).

Rounding off his tweet with the hashtag #lifeatthebar, Bowden’s bizarre (yet completely believable) online anecdote garnered several responses from lawyers.

Saira Ramadan, an employment specialist at Capsticks, suggested a couple of pens would make excellent emergency chopsticks.

Law student and aspiring barrister, Chris Wallace, recalled the time an overzealous security guard confiscated his pencil.

Another user couldn’t quite believe what she was reading.

While criminal solicitor Steve George couldn’t resist a cheeky fork-based gag.

HM Courts and Tribunals Service (HMCTS) has been approached for comment.

This isn’t the first time the alleged actions of court security staff have graced the pages of Legal Cheek.

Earlier this year, we reported that Adam King, a barrister at QEB Hollis Whiteman, had revealed on Twitter that a colleague of his had to conduct a hearing in bare feet after she had her shoes confiscated by guards for being “too spiky”. Following enquiries, HMCTS said it was unable to “evidence of this” and stressed “it isn’t policy to confiscate shoes.

In March, 42 Bedford Row family law barrister Siân Smith tweeted that her plastic knife and fork had been nabbed by security, while late last year an academic claimed one of his law students had their notebook confiscated by court staff.

39 Comments

Anonymous

Wow, slow day on LC for this to be made into an article. I commend your ability to turn human poo into dog shit

Frustrated Writer

It’s getting dark at LC’s mangy, decrepit office as the evening begins to draw in. Alex is reclining on the sofa, nursing his latest hangover, pack of frozen peas resting on his forehead. Tom is sat on his aged, squeaky wheelie office chair looking stressed. He is staring at a blank Word document, occasionally typing then deleting text indecisively.

Alex, not looking up from his prone position addresses Tom. “We need another article. I don’t care what it is, OK, just write something. That one about jeans earlier will only get us so many hits”.

Tom, sweating visibly, bites his lower lip pensively. He is lost. Up a dead-end alley with no turnings left to take. He tried to face the issue head on. “But, there’s no retention rates or NQ salaries being released, what should I do?” His tone is pleading, hoping for clemency from his boss. At this rate he wouldn’t be home for his lavender bath and Eastenders. Sure, he could iPlayer it, but what if he overhead the plot on the bus ride home. “Should I Interview someone? Find something relevant and interesting? Or just go on Twitter and write about the first thing I see that a Barrister has posted?

Alex, still not looking at his subordinate responds in a low, slurred voice as he staves off sleep. “Yeah, the second one. Whatever. We’re basically trolling them now. Do whatever”.

Anonymous

Pics or it didn’t happen

Anonymous

Why did you have to photo-shop a driving license on some pasta?

PC Brigade

Oi! You got a license for that driving license cutlery m8?

Sergeant Brigade

They do, constable. Stand down.

Anonymous

Didn’t think the barefoot thing actually happened.

Just Anonymous

You think this is bad.

You should have seen me at the American Football games at Twickenham last year, when security refused to allow any food and drink through the outer security barriers and into the outer concourse area.

Cue an impromptu cross-examination from me, where I question security as to the precise logic of preventing the public bringing food into the concourse area when food could be bought (for appropriately extortionate prices) in the said concourse area. I would obviously have happily taken appropriate bites/sips to prove that (for example) my water really was water and not a bottle of acid.

I got nowhere, but their complete inability to answer my points made me feel a lot better.

As did the news that Twickenham will not be hosting any games this year…

Anonymous

Cool story. When’s the film version coming out?

Just Anonymous

I’m talking to Spielberg now.

Spielberg

Liar

Anonymous

Think you answered your own question, Monsieur dickhead.

They prevent you bringing food in so that you have to buy their product.

Just Anonymous

Which was precisely my point: that there was absolutely no valid security reason for it whatsoever…

Anonymous

Isn’t the security reason that you may poison yourself or others with that food? Dumbass.

Just Anonymous

This post has been removed because it breached Legal Cheek’s comments policy.

Anonymous

They’re not different. Their food is safe. Do you need a diagram? Wow, you’re slow.

Just Anonymous

Wow, really?

Apparently it’s against Legal Cheek’s comments policy to ask an individual calling me a ‘dickhead’ and a ‘dumbass’ why he is displaying such needless abuse over a matter so trivial and unimportant.

Those insults however, appear perfectly acceptable.

It’s not often that words fail me…

Anonymous

You assume it’s a “he”, that’s so sexist.

Katie

And assuming gender really IS against Legal Cheek’s comments policy!

Anonymous

Why would there need to be a security related reason? Security personnel happen to be enforcing rules laid down by the stadium operator.

Anonymous

The difference is this:

In court, security based rules which are blown out of proportion are silly (for example confiscating a plastic fork).

In a sports stadium, policy based rules which are designed to make you spend more money are annoying and designed solely to increase revenues. They have no security aspect about them. It’s a totally different set of reasons. Hence irrelevant to this topic.

Drops mic.

Anonymous

Some of the court staff actively enjoy treating the legal professionals like crap. Granted some of the legal professionals deserve to be treated like crap, but the majority don’t.

SJ

Security confiscated rosary beads with cross last week from a man in Liverpool family court last week. They said it could be used as a weapon. I was thinking ‘they are taking this rath of god a bit far like’.

The man demanded to speak to a manager for removing a religious item from him especially a priest.

He got it back in the end.

Spelin Fashist

It’s “wrath of God”.

Anonymous

In Liverpool too, not like they’re short of Catholics up there.

Anonymous

This post has been removed because it breached Legal Cheek’s comments policy.

Anonymous

Said Stalin, Mao Tse Tung, Pol Pot…

Anonymous

So they cant’t have been all bad then.

Ciaran Goggins

On a par with airport (in)security. “Why are you confiscating contact lenses solution? It is not explosive” Pause “Oh yes it could be” (Me, for it was me) “You’d need to boil it for over an hour, I think the air crew would notice” Guard, scratching himself “Oh yeah, ‘ho said so?” (Me) “My pal the Professor of Chemistry at Cambridge”.

Anonymous

Then hopefully he punched you

Ciaran Goggins

I was on my University Karate squad and powerlifting squad. Plod only punch me when outnumbering me 6 to 1.

Anonymous

I had my spray spectacle cleaner confiscated at Central Family Court this week… a few weeks back I had an orchid and box of chocolates taken off me lest I brandished the orchid as a weapon and the chocolates had been “poisoned”. The staff know me and my role there but it doesn’t stop them from being on a ridiculous power kick.

Anonymous

Perhaps one of them was on a date that night and couldn’t afford a gift? Would explain why they took the chocolates and flowers.

Anonymous

Gifts from a client? In the family court I’d have expected some daffs stolen from the crem and a bar of Dairy Milk stolen from the local corner shop.

Alexander Harris

Surely a driving license is also a lethal weapon if it has points on it…

Anonymous

😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤣😆🤡💩

Anon

I remember fondly representing a sex offender in Woolwich Crown Court and being forced by the team there to remove my shoes as I went through the metal detector.

Not a good day to be boasting a pair of jazzy pink-toed socks – especially since my client was sitting on the other side of the detectors waiting for me…

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