Matrix Chambers rocked by death of pet fish who had own email address and Twitter account

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Human rights set in mourning after Yusuf and Ken Junior sadly pass away


Legal Cheek can exclusively reveal that the Matrix Chambers fish are dead.

The duo were the only legal profession pets to engage with social media, arriving on the Twitter scene last year with this memorable reflection.

Yusuf and Ken Junior, who resided at the well-known Gray’s Inn human rights set, sadly passed away earlier this summer.

The chambers’ website notes that the pair joined Matrix after the previous fish — Danny and Ken Senior — escaped from their fishbowl.

Yusuf and Ken Junior — named after a former delivery driver and receptionist — even had their own telephone number and email address. Their dedicated webpage (pictured below), which is still live, gave their position at chambers as “Matrix Mascots” and listed their hobbies as “swimming” and “playing water-polo”.


Alarm bells were raised at Cheek Towers due to the lack of activity on the their joint Twitter account, which has been dormant for over a year. Keen to know if the fish had perhaps switched to law-specific social network Mootis, Legal Cheek put in an urgent request to Matrix’s press team.

A spokeswoman for the set confirmed both fish had died several months ago, with one passing away “very shortly after the other of a broken heart”.

But what about the lack of social media activity prior to the untimely deaths? The spokeswoman claimed the fish had phone issues, continuing:

Before that they were no longer able to tweet as their smart phone got wet!

The pair, who were clearly an integral part of chambers life, will no doubt be sorely missed.



Rip young brothers!



Sexists, why did neither of them have female names?



Because they were male fish



You are eroticisng these fish. Please desist.


Parlotte Choudfoot

Unacceptable and misogynistic behaviour. Think twice before naming your fish in such a sexist way.


The Rt. Hon. 7th Baron Col. Prof. Lampcock, BA LLB LLM BBC uMAD PhalUS, DSC and Bar

Let it not be said that Legal Cheek is anything other than a piercingly incisive bastion of the well-informed free press. I applaud them for their cutting-edge journalism, and weep for the loss of Yusuf and Ken Junior.

My heart bleeds for Matrix Chambers at this difficult time – I am, regrettably, able to empathise. I once owned a very fine hog badger named Stephanie, whom I raised from a cub. She became very close to my heart after savaging the Viscount Hinton at a charity function in 1973, and went on to live a long and happy life until passing many years later when she drunkenly choked on a fig. Mercifully, she was off her tiny snout on sherry, and did not suffer.

I was understandably distraught, and so can imagine all to readily the grief of the Matrix Chambers crowd. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Yours, with every profoundest sympathy,

The Rt. Hon. 7th Baron Col. Prof. Lampcock, BA LLB LLM BBC uMAD PhalUS, DSC and Bar


The Marquess of Grimsby

Dear Baron Lampcock,

Although I appreciate the sentiment, your shameless affection for your hog badger is wholly inappropriate. After all, it is the most despicable of all beasts in South Eastern Asia. It is utterly inferior to the praying mantis (Mantodea) – whose beauty is beyond doubt. My mantis died a glorious death (akin to that of Achilles himself) when tussling with a nearby water buffalo in a gaping Thai valley filled abundantly with various flowers and herby smells. Compare the death of a hog badger to that of a mantis at your peril. They are not equals.

Yours agitatedly,

The Marquess of Grimsby


Monsieur Poisson

Until Ms Proudman makes a comment on this story then I have no further interest.

We need to know:

– Did Matrix barristers sexually harass these fish?
– Did anyone feel them up?
– Did any solicitor ask the fish for a photograph of them in their swimming costume in exchange for a nice brief?
– Were the fish objectified in any manner?
– Were the fish made to feel merely playthings for the gratification of the barristers?
– Was their species exploited in any way or made to feel inferior to homo sapiens?
– Were their fishy rights harmed, such as the right to a family life?

(There will be more questions to follow on Monday evening’s Newsnight, on Channel 4 News tonight and in a special feature in The Guardian.)



Wait. Did you just compare women in the workplace… to fish?


Charlotte Proudfoot

These fish have been eroticised, objectified and raped.

They have been put on the internet – a pooblick spess – when this information should have been kept in a pravet spess.


Monsieur Poisson

Don’t get on your high horse with me. What about fish in the workplace, you insensitive fish-hater?



What. The. Fuck?



“Very wet” – this is a sexist tweet


Harlot Proudperson

Ichthyophobic swines, i’ll have have you hung drawn and quartered for this….



The parallels between these fish and women offend me.

I am offended on behalf of them.

Put the attention on me.

Got I am offended. You must be sorry.

Daddy, why don’t you love me?



You people are going too far now. Especially the one who made the rape comment. The proudfoot thing is getting old.


Elizabeth Salander

No, it is you who is taking this ‘thing’ too far.

The reason why so many people are satirising Proudman and her arguments is because she is doing feminism a great disservice.

No one here seriously supports sexism (the male commentators included), but the fact that you are too daft to see what people are really upset about, i.e. Proudman’s self-serving fake moral crusade, perhaps sums up the problem.


Booty LJ

“getting old” …like how women get old? I am offended, you disgusting misogynist. Apologise, right now!



To lose one cherished chambers pet may be regarded as a misfortune, To lose 2 looks like carelessness at least.
Don’t fish have rights any more?


The Famous Eccles

Those fish must have drowned in all that water!

Someone should start an enquiry.


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