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11 things you’ll only understand if you study law at Lancaster University

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Norman the tree has powers

Image credit Instagram: @rongxin.cao

Lancaster University takes on about 215 new law students each year, but what’s it like to be one of them? One student reveals all.

1. The irony of having an “alive tree” among many dead ones

Image credit Twitter: @saripoyhonen

As a law student, you probably entered the library at least once — I mean beside that one time you needed to print off your coursework. And when doing that, you must have met Norman, our library tree. It’s a Ficus in case you were wondering.

2. You’ve become a little superstitious of late

Having heard of the great powers that Norman has, the idea of donating something to it to help your exam the following morning has probably popped on your mind.

3. RAB’s MCQs are IMPOSSIBLE

And compulsory too.

4. The “go to” lecture theatre is Faraday

Image credit: Lancaster University

All Lancastrians know it!

5. But there’s one problem…

Following the idea that you can never go wrong if you go to Faraday, you probably have sat at the front of an Economics lecture instead of your own before!

6. This definitely wouldn’t have happened in case classes

Because the fear of being picked was too strong.

7. But you weren’t as strong when having to turn down a Whoops Wednesday in Sugar

It hurt, it really did.

8. Showing up to classes with glitter still on is a thing

And you’ll be welcomed to your Thursday 9am as if you are a hero.

9. Will you or won’t you attend equity lectures?

The answer is probably not. If you do happen to be one of the heroes that carries on till the end, you’ll witness how the lecture hall gets emptier and emptier every time.

10. Everyone knows about that traumatic 48-hour employment exam

It made many people not pick employment law because they were stressing before even getting there.

11. Finally — a shout out to our colleges!

Okay, so you probably barely attended anything that was hosted in your JCR Space yet. But it’s great to meet people from different degrees, to have a break and chill with someone that has different interests — it takes your mind away from studying.

Domenica Giorgianni is a law student at the Lancaster University.

Want to tell readers what it’s like studying law at your university? Get in touch.

25 Comments

Nostradamus

I predict people slagging off the ranking of the university in the league tables

Anonymous

When are we getting a “11 things you’ll only understand if you tried (and failed) to study law in order to avoid child maintenance payments”? Tailor you content to your audience, LC.

Legna & Lived

This was boring and if all the information here is true, then the university must be boring too.

Anonymous Coward

12. You’ll never get a training contract

Anonymous

Or pupilage

Anonymous

Me too. I imagine using the correct spelling probably helped.

Anonymous

Hey leave me alone, I went to Lancaster. I have no idea how to spell

Smug survivor

I got one!

But, your premise is mostly accurate…

Frustrated Writer

Jeremy was awake bright and early to get Tom up for the gym. He entered Tom’s room in their shared house, holding a pint glass filled to the brim with icy water. The room was an archetypal student room. It was just about big enough for the double bed, wobbly flat pack desk and tired faux leather office chair that it housed. None of the furniture matched, and the carpet was dog eared and stained from years of spilled drinks and bodily fluids both from the current and previous tenants. The newest part of the room was Tom’s tartan bedspread that his parents had brought over for him on their recent visit, and that had been on Tom’s bed since secondary school.

On reaching his bedside, trying his best to suppress a laugh, Jeremy poured the contents of the jug over Tom’s sleeping head. Startled, Tom jumped out of bed, almost falling over as his feet landed on the carpet. Jeremy, filming the scene on his phone, was chuckling uproariously until he saw the look on Tom’s face.

“What did you do that for?” Tom said in an edgy voice, water dripping off the few remaining hairs on his head onto his t-shirt and loose boxer shorts.

Jeremy lowered his phone and his laugh subsided into a grin, which itself began to recede. In all the years he had known Tom, he had never seen him looking so angry. He did not know what to say, so he reverted to type. “Just banter, Conners, relax would you?” he responded, uneasily. Jeremy did not realise that his stunt not only caused Tom the shock he had intended, but also aroused the painful memories of the coffee pouring by Katie. Tom wasn’t sure what happened to the donut he had given her, but she still had not spoken to him. “Stop being such a big girl for once in your life” Jeremy continued, grabbing Tom’s gym kit that was neatly folded on the chair and tossing it at him. Tom caught it, his face still unimpressed. “If you’re serious about doing the iron man you need to get to the gym, bro. Remember all the training I did for it last year? Get dressed and let’s go!”

Later that morning, in the trendy, upmarket north London gym that Tom and he attended, Jeremy found himself in an awkward position again. He had already approached Tom about his feelings before, and had big trouble bringing himself to do it again. But Tom had said nothing more than a few grunts since he had woken him up.

Tom grabbed two 24kg dumbbells and brought them to his bench. They both knew the programme they shared by now off by heart so they did not need to confer. But Tom’s silence was really bugging Jeremy. He wasn’t used to his mild jibes and outlandish boasts going unanswered. He sat down on Tom’s bench before he had chance to assume his position. “Now bro, I would be failing you if I didn’t demand you brighten up” he said, in a jocular voice. “You’re at the gym with a handsome guy, who you happen to live with, may I remind you. There’s so many chicks who would be jealous of you right now. And you’re just moping. Again!”. He playfully slapped Tom’s bicep. “In fact, I was out last night with one such lady. She’s a looker and really smart. I think she may be a keeper you know”.

Tom sighed. He couldn’t stay mad at Jeremy for too long. It wasn’t Jeremy’s fault that he had invoked the memory of Katie the other day. Tom knew that living with Jeremy was always going to be a litany of childish pranks and playful barbs, and he couldn’t really object. He would give him a pass this time.

Tom smiled. “Wow, I never thought I’d see the day. What’s she done to tame the infamous Asquith-Smyth wild instincts?” he placed the weights either side of the bench, as Jeremy arose and went over to the weight rack by the mirrored wall.

“Well, who knows, but the date went well. The only concern is that she kept talking about reality shows. I’m not really down with that” Jeremy said, grabbing his own set of dumbbells. Strategically he had picked up 26kgs. He always wanted to have the upper hand on his mate. “I can’t be watching Bake Off every night, when I could be out with the lads, you know?”

After completing their bench set, Tom arose first as Jeremy finished his last reps. Tom wiped his forehead with his towel as Jeremy resumed the conversation. “You’d like her Conners. She’s a writer as well”.

Tom had had the same conversation with Jeremy countless times. Every girl was ‘the one’, until inevitably he found some minor flaw in her character. But Tom’s interest was piqued for the first time on hearing this news of her profession. “Oh, where does she work?” He asked, casually. If he handled this right, an interview may be on the cards, and possibly a way out. All was not lost.

“Not sure mate. She did say, but I was too busy examining the wine list. The sommelier was as hot as they come, had to look like I knew my stuff, you know”. He chortled at his own comment. “It was one of those legal news sites I think. I’ll subtly drop it in again when I next see her. I’ve got a date tomorrow night actually”.

There was only one other legal news site Tom could think of, Legal Cheek’s rival, Roll on Friday. Tom played it cool. “Did she happen to like the colour orange at all? Maybe I can ask her in person soon?”

Jeremy laughed. “You’re weird Conners. We aren’t six. I didn’t ask her what her favourite colour is!” Jeremy took a long sip from his water bottle, an absent look on his face. “Now that you mention it though, she did have an orange wallet, which was a bit odd. Anyway, the way things are going, I’ll have to introduce you soon, or you won’t know who the women you’re chatting to over breakfast is, mate”. Jeremy gave Tom an exaggerated wink, before pausing and looking Tom seriously in the eye. “Now promise though if I do let you see her, you won’t try to steal her?” Tom stopped. He was taken aback that Jeremy could seem so vulnerable. Jeremy continued. “I just don’t want you to be embarrassed when she laughs in your face, mate, that’s all”. He chuckled so loudly that a young woman on a nearby cross trainer looked over disapprovingly.

Tom’s mind raced. His first thought was how odd it was that he hadn’t met someone from the past who wanted to trash Legal Cheek today. Pushing that to one side, he thought about this mystery woman. He imagined himself dazzling her with his retention rate article prowess, and getting an offer to write for Roll on Friday, rather than just copying their articles. That would be a step up, and a clean slate. They may even let him work from home in Scotland. But he’d have to get to know this mystery woman first.

Anonymous

These Gym stories are stupid and dry. Tom and Jeremy’s interactions are very forced. People don’t talk like that in real life. I think you need to give up.

Anonymous

I wonder if Tommy has to eat the cream pie afterwards.

Bro, sharing is caring, bro.

Team 10, bro. It’s everyday bro.

Scouser of Counsel

Went to their debating inter-varsity once. The standard was very high.

The Uni is like a big 60s/70s concrete housing estate full of students, surrounded by countryside.

When being shown to the debating venue by two of the Lancaster students, one of my fellow students (we were at a city university) asked what life was like on a campus university.

Both Lancastrians turned around and said (in unison) “you feel very safe”.

That truly creeped us out.

Anonymous

Seriously this ‘things you only understand if…’ content is so, so bad. It’s boring, and means nothing to most of your readership. I love LC but wish you would make your content broader

Anonymous

So unoriginal, unfunny and ripped off from Buzzgfeed circa 2011

Anonymous

I have never even visited Lancaster and I understand ALL of these things.

Anonymous

11 things you’ll only understand if you study law at London South Bank University next?

Anonymous

11 things you’ll only understand if you have spent an hour locked in a room with Katie King.

Anonymous

Lancaster is a top ten university and voted best university of the year. Regardless of what you think of the article, you can’t slag off the ranking of the uni or it’s quality when you haven’t studied there.

Anonymous

I fancy Katie King

CUG league table fanatic

Lancaster’s a shithole for the sort of people who manage to get rejected from all the RG law schools (even from places like Cardiff and Sheffield).

The best university in the UK is Cambridge, and has been for the past several years. It isn’t Leeds, LSBU, Westminster, or some other upstart.

You Guardian league table readers can’t fool us.

Anonymous

It wasn’t the Guardian who voted it to be the best *eye roll*

Anonymous

11 things you’ll only know if you read Legal Cheek
No one ever tires of the ‘me too’ Lord Hartley joke
If you defend someone in a story you are accused of being the person in the story
No one ever tires of the ‘me too’ Charlotte Proudman joke
The biggest put down is always grammar related
No one ever tires of the Jones Day joke
Any firm outside of the US Top10 is purely for the proletariat
Any half decent story is ‘stolen’ from RoF
Any one giving an honest account of their career will be ripped to shreds
No one tires of the IM joke
Some readers will count to see if there are 11 things on this list

JesusGrad

12. Not getting a pupillage.

Anonymous

I got one!

Ciaran Goggins

They do a nice hot pot, quiz night a joke as they seem to have an IQ barely into double figures, oh and the Theology faculty are lame.

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