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The Secret Barrister’s legal analysis of Bananarama hit is a thing of beauty

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? Come on baby, can’t you see, I stand accuuuused of love in the first degree ?

The Secret Barrister, an anonymous lawyer who blogs and tweets regularly about the plight of criminal justice in the United Kingdom, has turned his critical eye to a totally different subject matter: the musical stylings of 80s pop trio Bananarama.

Putting his usual offerings on the decimation of legal aid to one side, the mysterious legal personality tweeted a section of the lyrics to Bananarama’s 1987 hit ‘Love in the First Degree‘:

In a Twitter thread, which has since gone viral, The Secret Barrister explains the “legal inaccuracies and errors” that Bananarama fall foul of. First up, the role of the judge and jury:

Unless, of course, the girl band was referencing the judge’s power to rule on the availability of a particular defence:

Next up, Bananarama’s level of culpability and how this must be considered in relation to sentencing:

The anonymous blogger’s epic legal critique continues:

But there could still be hope for the musical trio. Continuing, the junior barrister — who recently became a published author — suggests Bananarama could appeal:

And, The Secret Barrister couldn’t resist having a pop at the under-resourced Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) for bringing the case against Bananarama in the first place.

Rounding off his Twitter-based analysis, he notes:

So what next for The Secret Barrister? Well, it appears the advocate is keen to dissect the tricky legal issues contained in Meat Loaf’s track ‘I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)’.

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