Filled with plenty of QC quips and lawyer in-jokes
Have you ever wondered how Boris Johnson and other members of the Conservative party would act if they were lawyers?
Well, thanks to Joanna Hardy, a junior criminal barrister at Red Lion Chambers, you don’t have to. In a hilarious Twitter thread posted this morning, which has since received over 1,000 likes and nearly 300 retweets, Hardy imagines the Prime Minister and other top Tory MPs as fictional criminal barristers.
Conservative MPs as fictional criminal barristers. Hold onto your wigs.
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
Filled with plenty of QC quips and lawyer in-jokes, here is a round-up of Hardy’s thread.
Rishi Sunak QC is a smoothie
Rishi Sunak QC is a smoothie. He’s read the evidence, even the spreadsheets, he’s tabbed his bundle and his collar is starched. He has 25 mini pupils, 4 juniors and yes, he can help Your Honour with the exact page reference for that.
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
BoJo QC will mess it up 90% of the time
Boris Johnson QC is widely rumoured to have taken silk as his dad knew someone who knew someone. He will mess it up 90% of the time. He’s forgotten his laptop charger. He’s lost his wig. The judge is rolling her eyes. But, from nowhere, a jury speech that brings the house down.
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
Michael Gove QC can get you out of slippery situations
Michael Gove QC can slip you out of the most slippery situations. He’ll smooth-talk and back-chat and ease a complex metaphor from his back pocket which explains any perceived deficiency in the evidence. The judge tells him to speak slowly so everyone can unpick the nonsense.
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
Prosecutor Priti Patel is a non-negotiator
Priti Patel QC is prosecuting you. No, she won’t review the file. Yes, she’ll summon all of the witnesses. And, sure, proceed with your s.8 application for disclosure because she’s not budging an inch on your fancy but futile arguments about due process and article 6.
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
Notorious question dodger Dominic Raab will grill witnesses
Dominic Raab has been yelling the same question at the same witness for 45 minutes.
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
Dominic Cummings isn’t a lawyer, but turns up to court anyway
Dominic Cummings is not a lawyer but he’s turned up anyway. Weirdly lurking at the back of every courtroom in every doomed legal aid transfer application, slowly nodding.
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
No, Liz Truss, this case is not about cheese
Liz Truss is talking about cheese. “This case is not about cheese,” says the judge, baffled. “Cheese”, Ms Truss beams at the jury. Juror number 4 walks out.
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
Grant Shapps QC thinks he’s smoother then he actually is
Grant Shapps QC thinks he is smooth. He beams too brightly at the witnesses, he bows too low at the judge, he laughs too loudly at your jokes and everyone avoids him at lunchtime.
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
Failing Grayling can’t find the right courtroom
Chris Grayling rises to his feet to start his opening speech. He pauses. Is it a dramatic pause? Is it a tactic? Is it to build tension? The jury hold their breath. After an eternity, he speaks:
“Your Honour, I’m in the wrong courtroom.”
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
Jacob Rees-Mogg wants to know where you studied law
Jacob Rees-Mogg is in the robing room asking everyone where they went to school and if they know the judge.
— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) November 3, 2020
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