Law firm toilets: a critical reflection

Legal profession toilets aren’t quite at ‘Trainspotting’ levels of degradation, but many could do better

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Legal profession marketing has come a long way since its early days when PRs would devote themselves to knocking out a weekly deals press release.

David Gilroy is emblematic of a new breed of blue-sky thinking, out of the box convention-busting, disruptive technique merchant. The sales and marketing director at Conscious Solutions — a legal profession marketing consultancy — has come up with an innovative method of assessing law firm status: the state of a practice’s lavatories.

On a recent LinkedIn post, Gilroy treats fellow social media addicts to an explanation of “why I always use a law firm’s toilet the first time I go and visit them”.

Amazingly, the first answer supplied is the most obvious — after a long schlep to their offices, Gilroy actually needs to evacuate his bladder. But sometimes, he continues to a now hooked LinkedIn audience, he nips into the loo just because he’s “nosey”.

Nosey for what? Well, Gilroy has devised an entire law firm grading structure based on lavatory etiquette.

“You can tell a lot about a law firm’s attitude to spending money based on the state of their toilets,” he explains.

Gilroy quickly counters any suggestion that he’s interested in Liberace-style gold-plated taps and musical bidets — mostly he’s concerned about basic cleanliness and tidiness.

Cinema fans will vividly remember that stomach-churning early scene in “Trainspotting” when Ewan McGregor’s drug-addled character avails himself of Edinburgh’s filthiest lavatory — well, that’s what Gilroy is looking to avoid.

“There is no excuse for cleaning products stacked in the corner or lack of toilet paper,” he lectures, before hectoring law firms that “basic things like that should be taken care of irrespective of cash flow.”

Gilroy may have had second thoughts about the tone of his advice, as the lavatory lecture has subsequently been removed from his LinkedIn account.

Indeed, this is not the first time toilet issues have afflicted the legal profession.

There is absolutely no suggestion that Gilroy has any interest in lavatories other than those stated in his posts. However, his comments remind us that back in November 2012, a cottaging spree blighted both the Inner Temple and the now-University of Law.

Closer to Gilroy’s heart will be the ratings system on legal message board RollOnFriday. In amongst data about salaries, work-life balance and the quality of biscuits is an assessment of the lavatories at all the top London firms.

Who needs PEP tables when we’ve now got a poop score?

You can see Gilroy’s full LinkedIn post below:

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Further reading

EXCLUSIVE: Cottaging At The Inner Temple Police Patrolling Sex Venue Toilets [LegalCheek]

EXCLUSIVE: Cottaging At The College Of Law – Bloomsbury Branch Joins Inner Temple As Cruising Hotspot [Legal Cheek]