Feature

Five types of lawyer you’ve met this year

By on
11

Which legal stereotype are you?

The beasts roaming the legal landscape keep evolving. We meet the ‘New Normal’ lawyers shaping the profession for the next generation.

The MoneyLaw partner

Not the brightest at law school but “a good sort”. Walked into a TC in the noughties when they grew on trees. Got a call a few years later from a headhunter with an opportunity at London office of some US firm. Money was good. Became even better. Worked a lot. Made partner, got divorced … to be honest it’s all a bit of a blur. PEP hit $5 million during lockdown. Doesn’t see much of the family but has grown close to financial advisor. Currently saving up for a private jet.

The boomer QC

Tweets hourly in sympathy with the oppressed. In between does bits of work for £1,000/hour and tends to buy to let portfolio. Misses Tony Blair a great deal. Genuinely baffled by the rise of populism on the left and right. Gets angry just by thinking about Brexit and the spiralling cost of domestic help.

The ‘my head could be turned’ legal aid lawyer

Nope, definitely no regrets about turning down those magic circle TC offers to do a criminal law pupillage. Excels daily at complex and stimulating legal aid work, while becoming ever more embittered by the money. Privately funded criminal defence work would be an option if the clients weren’t so awful. Perhaps the CPS or the GLS would be a better bet. But would that mean Dominic Raab (who they did a vac scheme with at Links in the late 90s) would be their boss?

The in-house lawyer tech bro

Wears Converse and a hoody to work, over a shirt and tie, with dress shoes in a bag under the desk to be changed into for meetings. Craves validation from the creatives in the tech start up where they are head of legal. But is forced to continually reject their (insane and mostly illegal) proposals for developing the questionable product they are collectively struggling to get off the ground. In private moments fantasises about moving to the legal team of a regional insurer.

The tired-with-life trainee

Hasn’t logged off before 10pm since the first lockdown. Now sustained solely by thoughts of ‘filthy NQ lucre’ and bragging rights in the Legal Cheek comments section. Tries not to let related thoughts intrude about higher rate tax, student loan repayments or the cost of saving towards a deposit for a flat in Zone 3, or perhaps 4 or 5. But ultimately knows it will all be worth it for the pension. Then the good times can really get rolling!

NEXT WEEK: The December 2021 UK Virtual Law Fair

11 Comments

Kirkland NQ

The ‘lander

Cool and stylish in an understated way, the initiated know the ‘lander when they spot the bulge in the perfectly tailored suit where the key to the Lambo resides. Can be found at all the hip Chelsea wine bars on a weekend, when not holidaying in the Côte d’Azur.

(12)(23)

Fantasy

“Nope, definitely no regrets about turning down those magic circle TC offers to do a criminal law pupillage.”

Nobody does this. Legal Aid is a cesspit of mediocrity though you do get the odd delusional fellow who truly believes they were bright enough to get a good TC. They weren’t.

(13)(20)

Anon

With respect, that’s complete crap. Just look at some of the barrister profiles on the website of a good criminal set. The reality is that many who stay end up doing very well from private work.

(28)(3)

The QC’s Only Fans Account

‘The Virtue Signaller’

20,000 tweets encouraging the profession to give £50 to a refugee charity, but God help you if you dare to suggest he invite one to his mansion over Xmas

(29)(3)

Anonymous

The basic: quotes Elle Woods in literally every conversation ever, believes they are indeed the next Elle Woods even though they’re working in conveyancing or private wealth at a middling Legal 200 firm, worships the legal ‘influencers’.

(27)(4)

Fair point

Legal Cheek really is toxic isnt it… Toilet bowl of legal JourNaLisM

(18)(7)

Mjerp

Ok boomer

(7)(8)

The in-house lawyer tech bro

Slow news day

(4)(0)

Tinky Winky

Po news day.

(0)(0)

Anon

What global financial crisis were you guys living through when training contracts grew on trees…? 60% NQ retention and 25% layoffs… yes, the good old days….!

(0)(0)

Dr Doom

What they all have in common is that you would not want to be stuck in a room with any of them.

(3)(0)

Comments are closed.

Related Stories